Islam's Unique Attitude Towards Women

Unlike other popular beliefs, Islam does not blame Hawa AS alone for the First Sin. The Qur'an makes it clear that both she and her husband - the Prophet Adam AS were tempted, both of them sinned and Allah Ta'ala's pardon was granted to both of them after their repentance. They were addressed by Allah Ta'ala jointly.

Allah Ta'ala eloquently states in the Qur'an:

"O Mankind! Keep your duty to your Lord who created you from a single person, and created of like nature his mate, and from their twain scattered (like seeds) a multitude of men and women." (Surah An-Nisaa: Ayat 1)

Allah Ta'ala further states in the Qur'an:

" He (Allah) it is who did create you from a single soul and therefrom did create his mate, that he might dwell with her (in love)..."

The humanity of woman is declared in these decrees. She is not a great temptress, nor is she a slave and some chattel created for the amusement to be used and abused by men.

The crux of the law of Shari'ah is to preserve the family. The emphasis in Islam is to move away from the materialistic life to one which is guided towards having functional individuals, families and communities. Thus the intelligent one is the one who disciplines himself / herself in order to avoid having dysfunctional families and as a result dysfunctional communities and society.

The word Islam is derived from the Arabic root "salam" which means among other things - peace, purity, submission and obedience. In the religious sense the word Islam means submission to the Will of Allah and obedience to Allah's Laws.

A Muslim is one who obeys, fully submits to, and worships Allah alone and bears testimony that Muhammad SAW was Allah's last Prophet and Messenger. Muslims never worshipped Muhammad SAW or any human being. Muslims believe in all the Prophets of Allah without any discrimination.


THE MUSLIM WOMAN THROUGHOUT HER STAGES IN LIFE

As a Daughter

In pagan Arabia, little girls were considered a burden and a disgrace, so they were buried alive by their fathers.

With the advent of Islam, Nabi SAW is reported to have said:

"Whosoever has a daughter and he does not bury her alive, does not insult her, does not favour his son over her, Allah will enter him into Paradise."

When a girl is born, it is a sign of honour for the parents. She brings with her blessings into the home and Allah Ta'ala's rahmat descends upon the family.

It is mentioned in a hadith that Nabi SAW said:

"When a female child is born, Allah Ta'ala sends His angels to that house. They come to the dwellers of the house and pray that peace may be upon them, The angels then cover the newly born girl in the shadow of their wings and caressing the head of the baby with their hands they say that, this is a weak and frail person, whoever will bear the responsibility of cherishing her will go on having the blessing of Allah Ta'ala as long as that person remains alive." (Al-Mujam-al-Saghir li Tabrani)

The Prophet Muhammad SAW also stated:

"Whosoever maintains two girls until they attain maturity, he and I will come on the Day of Judgement like this, (the Prophet Muhammad SAW hereby joined his two fingers held together)." (Sahih Muslim)

The pursuit of education and knowledge was made incumbent on every Muslim male and female more than one thousand four hundred years ago.

Every girl has a right to education and she is allowed to seek knowledge which will benefit her in the Hereafter as well as in this world. She is expected to make a positive contribution to society by applying her skills in the service of her family and society.

Nabi Muhammad SAW said:

"Seeking knowledge is mandatory for every Muslim." (Bayhaqi)


As a Wife

Allah Ta'ala has created men and women as company for one another, so that they can live in peace and tranquility. It will be found that men and women are jointly addressed in the Qur'an.

The Holy Qur'an states:

"And among His signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Undoubtedly in these are signs for those who reflect." (Surah 31: Ayat 21)

Besides all other provisions for her protection at the time of marriage, it has been decreed that the woman has full the right to her marriage gift which is presented to her by her husband. It is included in the nuptial contract, and that such ownership does not transfer to her husband or her father.

Among the aims of marriage is the provision of solace, comfort, peace and rest, for both of them. Both of them are entitled to each other's companionship and partnership. The husband has no right in Shari'ah to impose his whims and fancies on her. Although most wives cook and take care of domestic chores, she is not by default in Shari'ah - compelled to wash clothes or cook food for the household.

In fact, A'ishah RA reported that Nabi SAW helped his wives in domestic chores. He used to mend his shoes, sew his clothes, and work in his house just as any of you works in his own house.

The rights and responsibilities of a woman are equal to those of a man but they are not necessarily identical with them. This difference is understandable because men and women are not identical but they are created equals. Islam thus takes into due consideration, acknowledges her, and recognises her independent personality.

A woman is not less important than a man. She has to be treated equally, with justice and fairness. However, Allah Ta'ala has conferred the responsibility of leadership within this union to the husband.

The Qur'an states:

"And they (women) have rights similar to those (of men) over them, and men are a degree above them."

The leadership role does not mean the husband's dictatorship over his wife, rather it emphasises the importance of consultation, mutual agreement and taking counsel in making family decisions.

Economically, a wife does not have to compete in the market place for her upkeep. In return for the solace she provides to her husband, the Shari'ah has commanded the husband to compulsorily fulfil her material and spiritual needs. He cannot order her to earn a living nor order her to assist in his business.

The husband is encouraged to deal leniently and kindly with his wife when disputes or differences arise.

Nabi SAW is reported to have said:

"The most perfect Believers are the ones who are best in conduct, and the best of you are those who are best to their wives." (Ahmad, Tirmidhi)

Verbal, physical, financial and emotional abuse of a wife is totally out of keeping of a Muslim man's character. These actions are considered as disgraceful cowardice and he will be accountable for his cowardly treatment against his wife in the hereafter. He has to remember that his wife is not his property, she is Allah Ta'ala's property and was given to him by Allah Ta'ala as a gift, to be treasured, respected and cherished.

Allah SWT mentions in the Qur'an:

"Deal with women correctly and with kindness. If then, you dislike them, then it is possible that you dislike something in which Allah has created abundance of goodness therein." (Surah An-Nisaa: Ayat 19)

Just as a husband finds some characteristics disagreeable, he will find other characteristics agreeable. He is guided to seek and highlight the good in his wife.

As the woman's right to decide about her marriage is recognized, so also is her right to seek an end for an unsuccessful marriage is recognised.

Divorce is detested by Allah Ta'ala even though it has been made lawful by Him. It is the permissible thing most hated by Allah SWT.

The Prophet Muhammad SAW is reported to have said:

"The lawful thing which Allah hates most is divorce." (Tirmidhi, Abu Dawud, Ibn Majah)

This is because it disrupts the stability of the family and rocks the family system.

Certain steps and waiting periods should be observed by men and women seeking divorce. A woman can bring her request for a divorce before a Qadhi (Muslim judge) who will grant her a divorce by examining the circumstances.

Marriage in Islam is considered to fulfill five fundamental functions.

01. Protective and supportive function:

Marriage serves as an absorber and protector from the pressures of the over-bearing outside world. The ability to understand, sympathise, and support is a critical function of the spouses. It is within the ambit of a nurturing, loving and secure home life that marital harmony thrives and by extension a functional family and community.


02. Recreational function:

Nabi Muhammad SAW played and competed in running with his wife A'ishah RA. Leisure activities within the family group are encouraged, as the family that plays together stays together.


03. Social function:

Marriage unites two families and the couple has to accord respect to family members and foster ties with both sides of the family.

Nabi Muhammad SAW is reported to have said:

"Whosoever desires that sustenance be expanded for him and his life be prolonged, let him foster ties with the family."

The children learn to interact with their elders and peers. The virtues of respect, caring, sharing and reciprocating love for the pleasure of Allah Ta'ala are cultivated.


04. Educational function:

The Prophet Muhammad SAW is reported to have said:

"Nobody shall meet Allah Ta'ala with a sin greater than that of having left his family in ignorance." ( Daylami)

Ibn Atta RA said:

"A'ishah RA was among all the people, the one who had most knowledge of Fiqh, the one who was the most educated, and compared to those who surround her, the one whose judgement was the best."

The companions of A'ishah RA called her - "Bahrul Uluum", the ocean of knowledge. This was due to the vast amount of knowledge she gained from her husband.

05. Religious function:

A religious atmosphere within the home helps to develop humility and a sense of accountability for all our actions. When the couple mutually create this atmosphere, they then personify the following verse of the Holy Qur'an:

"Verily for all men and women who have surrendered themselves to Allah, all believing men and women, all pious men and women, all honest men and women, all patient men and women, all humble men and women, all accountable men and women, all fasting men and women, all chaste men and women who remember Allah increasingly; Allah has prepared forgiveness and a great reward." (Surah 33: Ayat 35)


Nabi Muhammad SAW has said:

"This world (and all it's contents) are but perishable commodities, the best of all perishable commodities is a pious wife."

Sex within the marriage is not mere sexual gratification; it is an act of charity.

Nabi Muhammad SAW said:

"In the sexual act of each of you there is Sadaqah."

The Companions RA asked:

"O Messenger of Allah! When one of us fulfills his sexual desires, he will be given a reward for it?"

He (SAW) replied:

"Do you not think that if he were to act upon it unlawfully, he would be sinning? Likewise, if he acts upon it lawfully, he will be rewarded." (Muslim)

The husband is reminded that he should handle their sexual relationship with care, warmth, and comfort and not treat his wife as a doormat who can be dispensed with according to his own selfish desires. He should seek mutual bliss, satisfaction and fulfillment with her.


As a Mother

A woman is a full and equal partner of man in the procreation of mankind. Her role is no less vital than his.

It is mentioned in one Hadith that Nabi SAW said:

"Does it not please you ( O Women!) that when you conceive from your husbands whilst he is pleased with you, then that woman will receive such reward equal to that of a fasting person in the path of Allah and spending the night in Ibadah. When her labour pains commence, the inhabitants of the earth and the sky are unaware of the stores of comfort that are prepared for her. When she delivers and breast feeds her child, then she will be granted a reward for every gulp of milk; and if she had to remain awake during the night for the sake of her child, she will receive the reward of emancipating seventy slaves in the path of Allah.

Do you know who these women are? They are pious, upright, delicately natured but yet are obedient to their husbands and not ungrateful to them."

Another Hadith states the Prophet Muhammad SAW as saying:

"A woman from her pregnancy till the time of weaning her child is like one protecting the boundaries of the Islamic state. If she passes away during this period, she attains the reward of martyrdom." (Shahidah)

The mother is the first seat of learning for her children. It is here, in the warmth of her love and care that the child learns about Allah Ta'ala, Nabi SAW, about honesty, fairness, justice, treatment of strangers, the poor, the helpless, etc. The child's socialisation process is not just geared towards filling his/ her head with information and fairy tales. The child learns his/ her responsibilities as a Muslim from an early age from the mother who is truly the centre of the child's universe at that stage.

The Qur'an has special recommendations for the good treatment of both parents.

Due to the great sacrifices she makes in bearing her children, spending sleepless nights watching over them when they are ill, virtually turning her day into night for their comfort and for rearing them with so much love and attention, the mother is given precedence and a higher status than the father.

A famous saying of Nabi SAW is:

"Paradise is at the feet of your mother."

A man came to Nabi SAW asking:

"O Messenger of Allah, who among the people is the most worthy of my good company?"

Nabi SAW said:

"Your mother."

The man then asked:

"Who else?"

Nabi SAW replied:

"Your mother."

The man then asked again:

"Then who else?"

Nabi SAW said:

"Your mother."

The man then asked:

"Who else?"

Only then did he get the answer:

"Your father."


THE MUSLIM WOMAN ECONOMIC STATUS

Islamic Law fully acknowledged the woman's right to her money, real estate or other property over one thousand, four hundred years ago. This right undergoes no change whether she is single or married. She retains her full right to buy, sell, mortgage or lease any or all of her properties. Her right to her properties applies even if she acquires them after her marriage. She is not regarded as a minor simply because she is a woman.

Not many of us know that in the Western world it was not until 1938 that the French Law was amended so as to recognise the eligibility of women to contract. A married woman was however, still required to secure her husband's permission before she could dispense with her private property.

In Islam, a woman is guaranteed her share of inheritance. Before Islam, she was not only deprived of that share but was herself a "transferable property" to be inherited by man. Whether she is a wife or mother, a sister or daughter, she receives a certain share of the diseased kin's property. This share depends on her degree of relationship to the diseased and the number of heirs. She cannot be disinherited. Even if the diseased wishes to deprive her by making a will to other relations, or, in favour of some cause, the Law will not allow him to do so. Her share of inheritance is completely hers, her father and husband can make no claim on it whatsoever.

As far as the woman's right to seek employment is concerned, it should be remembered that Islam regards her role in society as a mother and wife as the most sacred and an essential one, as she largely "shapes the future of nations". This vital and noble role cannot by any means be fulfilled by maids and babysitters which is customary in this day and age, even for Muslims.

A Muslim man is fully responsible for the maintenance of his wife, his children, in some cases his needy relatives, especially the females. Her husband's responsibility is neither waived nor reduced because of his wife's wealth or because of her access to any personal income gained from rent, work or profit.

Just as her possessions do not transfer to her husband after she marries him, she is not obliged to spend her wealth on her family. She was also given the choice of keeping her maiden surname over fourteen hundred years ago.

She is financially secure and provided for.

If she is a wife, her husband is the provider.

If she is a mother, it is the son who is the provider.

If she is a daughter, her father is the provider.

If she is sister, it is the brother who is the provider, etc.

Tips for a Happy and Successful Marriage

The young and excited bride-to-be and groom-to-be; ecstatic about the upcoming wedding and marriage and the joy that it will bring. Three to six months later, reality has set in and both spouses realise that marriage is no easy task, but one that takes a great deal of effort and patience. The following are tips for both wives and husbands, to help make the task a little less daunting, and to increase the many rewards that are possible in such a marvelous and complex relationship.

01 Enter the Marriage with the Right Intention and Renew this Often

Both spouses should enter the marriage with the pure intention of pleasing Allah SWT in order to receive Allah's grace and blessings. The marriage itself then becomes an act of worship and one for which both spouses will be rewarded. Allah will be pleased with them and this will be the most critical element in ensuring peace, stability and happiness throughout the marital life. It is also important to realise that when an act of worship is continued over a long period of time, it becomes necessary to renew one's intention often to remain on the correct path and to obtain the most benefit.


02 Remember that Your Spouse is also Your Brother or Sister in Islam

Too often Muslims treat other people outside the home with kindness and sincerity, but then behave in a very different manner when it comes to their own spouses. Muslims should always remember that one's spouse is also another brother or sister in Islam and that the rights and duties that apply to the general brotherhood (sisterhood) of Islam, should also form the basis of the marital relationship. Obviously, a spouse has rights beyond these, but there should be a clear understanding of the rights of brotherhood (sisterhood) and adherence to these principles.


03 Do Not Hold Unrealistic Expectations

Before marriage, people often have unrealistic ideas about their spouse-to-be, expecting perfection in all aspects. This rarely, if ever, plays out in reality and can lead to unnecessary problems and concerns. We should recall that Allah SWT created humans as imperfect beings, which means that many mistakes will be made throughout a lifetime. By turning the table and expecting imperfection, we will be pleasantly surprised and pleased when our spouse is much more than we ever hoped for. This, in turn, will lead to contentment within the marriage.

04 Emphasise the Best in Your Spouse

Since no one is endowed with all of the best qualities, emphasis should be placed on the positive qualities that a spouse possesses. Encouragement, praise, and gratitude should be expressed on a regular basis, which will strengthen these qualities and be beneficial in developing others. An attempt should be made to overlook or ignore negative characteristics, as the Prophet SAW said:
"A believing man should not have any malice against a believing woman. He may dislike one characteristic in her, but may find another in her which is pleasing." (Muslim)

05 Be Your Spouse's Best Friend

Try to think of what a best friend means and be one to your spouse. This may mean sharing interests, experiences, dreams, failures and upsets. It may involve understanding a spouse's likes and dislikes and attempting to please him or her in any way possible. A best friend is also usually someone that can be confided to trusted, and relied upon. A spouse should be the kind of friend that one would want to keep throughout life.


06 Spend Quality Time Together

It is not enough to share meals, chores and small talk together. Spouses should also find time to focus on strengthening the relationship. Often couples get busy with their own separate tasks and forget about working on one of the most important elements in life. Quality time may be anything from having a quiet, profound conversation to going for a nice long nature walk, to sharing a special hobby or project. Both spouses should enjoy the particular option chosen and distractions should be kept to a minimum.


07 Express Feelings Often

This is probably a very "Western" concept and one that some people may have difficulty fulfilling, but it is important to be open and honest about one's feelings, both positive and negative. The lines of communication should always be open and any concerns should be brought to the attention of the other spouse as soon as they arise. The rationale of this is that what begins as a simple concern may grow into a major problem if it is not addressed quickly and properly. The "silent treatment" has never been the remedy for anything.


08 Admit to Mistakes and Ask for Forgiveness

Just as we ask Allah to forgive us when we make mistakes, we should also do the same with our spouses. The stronger person is the one who can admit when he or she is wrong, request pardon from the other, and work hard to improve his/her aspects that are in need of change. When a person is unwilling to do this, there will be little growth and development in the marriage.

09 Never Bring Up Mistakes of the Past

It can be very hurting for another person to be reminded of past mistakes. In Islam, it is generally not recommended to dwell on the past. One may remember errors that were made so that they are not repeated, but this should not be done excessively. Certainly, as humans, we are not in the position to judge another person. Advice may be given, but not in a harmful manner.


10 Surprise Each Other at Times
This may entail bringing home a small gift or flowers, preparing a special meal, dressing up and beautifying oneself (this is not only for women), or sending a secret note in a lunchbox. A little imagination will go a long way here. The idea is to spice up the marriage and avoid getting into a dull routine that may negatively affect the marriage.


11 Have a Sense of Humour

This particular aspect can go a long way in preventing arguments and brightening the atmosphere of the home. Life is a constant stream of challenges and tests, and to approach it in a light-hearted manner will help to make the journey smoother and more enjoyable. You may also find that your spouse enjoys this characteristic and looks forward to spending time with you because of it.


Quick Tips for Discussions and Disagreements:

(a) Begin with the intention to resolve the issue. If both spouses have this intention and plan to consult together, it is more likely that there will be a successful resolution.

(b) Remember that it takes two to quarrel. If only one person chooses not to argue, there will be no argument. Generally, the one who is wrong does most of the talking.

(c) Both spouses should not be angry at the same time. If one of the spouses becomes upset, it is best if the other tries to remain calm and collected.

(d) Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire. Of course, house fires do not occur very frequently; yelling should occur at about the same rate.

(e) Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled. This is one of the worst things that can happen in a marriage and should be avoided as much as possible. This allows hurt feelings and thoughts to linger and generally exacerbates the problem.

(f) If one spouse needs to win, let it be your mate. Do not focus on winning yourself; this is the main reason that discussions tend to become heated.

The Wedding Of Fatimah RA

Fatimah RA is the youngest daughter of our beloved Prophet Muhammad SAW.

Out of all the children, she was the closest to him (SAW).

The Prophet Muhammad SAW said:

"The Queen of the Ladies in Jannah is Fatimah."

He (SAW) also said:

"Fatimah is part of my body. Whoever grieves her, grieves me."


When Fatimah RA reached the age of fifteen, proposals for her marriage began to come from high and responsible families. But the Prophet SAW remained irresponsive.

Saiyidina Ali RA, who was 21 years of age at that time, says:

"It occurred to me that I should go and make a formal proposal, but then I thought, 'How could this be accomplished, for I possess nothing.' At last, encouraged by the Prophet's (SAW) kindness, I went to him and expressed my intention to marry Fatimah (RA). The Prophet (SAW) was extremely pleased and asked, 'Ali! Do you possess anything to give her in Mahr?' I replied, 'Apart from a horse and an armour I possess nothing.' The Prophet (SAW) said, 'A soldier must, of course, have his horse. Go and sell away your armour.'

So, Ali (RA) went and sold his armour to Uthmaan (RA) for 480 Dirham and presented it to Rasulullah (SAW). Bilal (RA) was ordered by the Prophet (SAW) to bring some perfume and a few other things and Anas (RA) was sent to call Abu Bakr (RA), Uthmaan (RA), Talhah (RA), Zubayr (RA) with some companions from the Ansar (RA).

When these men arrived and had taken their seats, the Prophet (SAW) recited the Khutbah (sermon) of Nikah and gave Fatimah (RA) in marriage to Ali (RA).

He (SAW) announced:

"Bear you all witness that I have given my daughter Fatimah in marriage to Ali for 400 Mithqaal of silver and Ali has accepted."

He (SAW) then raised his head and made Du'a saying:

"O Allah, create love and harmony between these two. Bless them and bestow upon them good children."

After the Nikah, dates were distributed. When the time came for Fatimah (RA) to go to Ali's (RA) house, she was sent without any clamour, hue and cry accompanied by Umm Ayman (RA).

After Isya' Solat, the Prophet (SAW) went to their house, took permission and entered. He asked for a basin of water, put his blessed hands into it and sprinkled it on both Ali (RA) and Fatimah (RA) and made du'a for them.

The sovereign of both worlds - Rasulullah SAW gave his beloved daughter a silver bracelet, two Yemeni sheets, four mattresses, one blanket, one pillow, one cup, one hand-grinding mill, one bedstead, a small water skin and a leather pitcher.

In this simple fashion, the wedding of the daughter of the leader of the worlds was solemnised. In following this Sunnah method, a wedding becomes very simple and easy to fulfill.


LESSONS LEARNED FROM THE ABOVE MENTIONED MARRIAGE

1. The many customs as regards to engagement functions are contrary to the Sunnah. In fact, many are against the Shari'ah and are regarded sins. A verbal proposal and answer is sufficient.

2. To unnecessarily delay Nikah of both the boy and the girl after having reached the age of marriage is incorrect.

3. There is nothing wrong in inviting one's close associates for the occasion of Nikah. However, no special pains should be taken in gathering the people from far off places.

4. It is appropriate that the bridegroom be a few years older than the bride.

5. If the father of the girl is an Aalim or is pious and capable of performing Nikah, then he should himself solemnise the marriage.

6. It is better to give the Mahr Faatimi and one should endeavour to do so. But if one does not have the means then there is nothing wrong in giving less.

7. It is totally un-Islamic for those, who do not possess the means, to incur debts in order to have grandiose extravagant weddings.

8. It is fallacy to think that one's respect will be lost if one does not hold an extravagant wedding and invite many people. What is our respect compared to that of Rasulullah SAW?

9. The present day practice of the intermingling of sexes is an act of sin and totally against Shari'ah.

10. There is nothing such as engagement parties or things of the like in Islam.

11. Great care must be taken as regards to Solat on occasions of marriage by all - the bride, the bridegroom and all the participants.

12. It is un-Islamic to display the bride on stage.

13. The unnecessary expenses incurred by the bride's family in holding a feast has no basis in Shari'ah.

14. For the engaged couple to meet at a public gathering where the boy holds the girl's hand and slips a ring on her finger is a violation of the Qur'anic Law of Hijaab.

15. It is un-Islamic and Haraam to assume that the engaged couple can meet each other and also go out together.

16. Three things should be borne in mind when giving one's daughter gifts and presents at the time of Nikah:
(a) Presents should be given within one's means (it is not permissible to take loans, on interest for such presents)
(b) To give necessary & useful items
(c) A show should not be made of whatever is given.

17. It is Sunnat for the bridegroom's family to make Walimah. Note: In Walimah, whatever is easily available should be fed to the people and care should be taken that the is no extravagance, show and that no debts are incurred in the process.

18. To delay Nikah after the engagement is un-Islamic.


It is un-Islamic and frowned upon to:
(a) Displaying the bride / bridegroom on stage
(b) Invite guests for the wedding from far off places
(c) Receiving guests in the hall
(d) The bride's family / people incurring unnecessary expenses by holding a feast which has no basis in Shari'ah. We should remember that Walimah is the feast arranged by the BRIDEGROOM after the marriage is consummated.
(e) It is contrary to Sunnah and wrong to wish, hope for or even more stupid and pathetic to demand specific presents and gifts from the bridegroom.

Nabi Muhammad SAW did not give Saiyidina Ali RA anything except Du'a.

The Simple Muslim Wedding

On any auspicious occasion of Nikah, all Muslim attending the nikah should pray to Almighty Allah that He may instil Mahabbat (love and affection) between the married couple, that through this bond of marriage, pious and righteous children are born, and also that Mahabbat and Ulfat (loving bond) is created between the families of the married couple.

Nikah is a noble Sunnat of the Holy Prophet SAW. Simplicity would be the hallmark of every Nikah performed by Nabi SAW. We are instructed in Ahadith that when a suitable partner is found for a girl, then haste should be made in performing the Nikah. A major reason for the marked increase in the number of unmarried boys and girls in present-day society stems mainly from neglecting the sound advice given in this Hadith. Nowadays the Nikah is delayed in spite of having found a suitable partner for one's son or daughter. For the sake of personal convenience, like going on a holiday or waiting for the organisation of some family function, or some other programme, we unnecessarily delay the marriage.

As we know, the Holy Prophet SAW and his Companions did not avail of luxuries despite having the opportunity to do so. Instead, they made rigorous Mujahadah (endeavour). By the Barakah (blessings) of their Mujahadah each Companion became a great warrior, who strove and persevered.

When we look inward into our own lives it reveals quite the opposite. We have become so attached to worldly comforts and luxuries that it has, indeed, become difficult for us to discharge our own necessities without relying on others. Over indulgence in ease and comforts is also a significant reason for our misfortune and downfall. If only we realized the true concept of Islamic brotherhood then to continue in extravagant celebrations would really hit the raw inner of our consciousness.

Presently, throughout the world, hundreds and thousands of fellow Muslims are suffering at the hands of non-Muslims. So many of them are held captives by the enemies of Allah, and the respect and dignity of so many others is being looted, and above all, our brothers and sisters are helpless with no one to confront the perpetrators of their misery. In this dire situation, our brothers and sisters are really in need of every sip of water, every piece of grain and every single penny.

So thus, is this really a time to indulge in extravagant celebrations, merry-making and rejoicing?

This is surely against the trend of Islamic brotherhood, it is also against humanity!

When we see the abundant favours of Allah so freely granted - especially when we sit to eat - then our eyes should also be filled with tears. At the same time, reflect on the plight and suffering borne by Muslims all around the world. Muslims whose situation is most distressing. Despite what prevails before our eyes, are we going to be like the ostrich with its head in the sand?

In this present era, the warning bells of danger to our Faith can be heard ringing aloud. The tide of moral and religious degeneration is reigning down on us from all sides. We regularly hear incidents of how our progeny is being exposed to the ills prevalent in this society. We must, therefore, be aware of the dangers and maintain a vigilant eye. We should reflect on what is happening and take a firm grasp of the declining moral and religious situation in this society.
In spite of hearing the plight and misery of Muslims, our feelings seem to remain static, and we are largely unresponsive to their plight. We should try to alter this kind of outlook. Most importantly, we should try and generate a genuine feeling for our Muslim brothers and sisters. We should consider their suffering as our own. Let us conduct ourselves honourably, sharing their woes and grief wherever they may be in the world. Their suffering, displacement and slaughter should be felt by all of us.

This subject has been deliberately mentioned because, nowadays, our wedding functions have become such that vast sums of money are spent and this suggests a kind of indifference to the suffering of Muslim at large. A true Muslim does not condone this kind of attitude. On occasions like this, A Muslim would think of taking greater accountability.

We will only truly realise the extent of our self-deception once we have left this transitory world. How we deceived our ownselves. Only then will we truly appreciate the significance of assisting the needy and helpless Muslims. If we are not able to do anything else, then, at least we should develop a sincere concern for our fellow Muslims and pray for them. Even this will not be overlooked by Almighty Allah, who will, Inshallah, accord us with much blessing and reward.

Nikah is a noble Sunnat of the Prophet SAW. This sublime act is such that it cannot accommodate any other custom; simplicity, as I explained at the outset, is its hallmark. As such, there is no need for a large assembly or congregation for its commemoration.

Let us briefly comtemplate on the nature of simplicity observed in weddings conducted at the time of the Holy Prophet SAW. Once the Holy Prophet SAW noticed a stain of Itr (perfume) on the garment of one of his Companion, Hazrat Jabir ibn Abdullah RA. Although use of Itr was Sunnat, it would generally be applied only for special occasions like a wedding, or on significant days like Friday and Eid. Seeing the blot, the Holy Prophet SAW enquired of Hazrat Jabir ibn Abdullah RA: “Have you married?” He replied, “Yes.” The Holy Prophet further asked, “Whom did you marry, a virgin or a widow?” He replied, “A widow.” The Holy Prophet said, “Why did you not choose a virgin, that you might play with her and she might play with you? I see you as a young man.” Hazrat Jabir ibn Abdullah replied most gracefully, saying: “O Prophet , my father was martyred in the battle of Uhud. He left behind nine small sisters. Had I married a virgin then she would have become the tenth. That is why I have married a widow, so that with her age and experience she could provide upbringing and training for my sisters.”

From this incident we can deduce that despite the presence of the Holy Prophet SAW in Madinah Munawwarah, there was no question of delaying the Nikah to the extent of even informing let alone inviting him (SAW).

Thus, in the time of the Prophet SAW, whenever a suitable partner was found for a boy or girl, the Nikah would be conducted without delay. It would not be treated as something so significant as to require the attention or approval of the Holy Prophet SAW.

On the contrary, we have created so many unnecessary formalities that if perchance the wedding feast is not held on the day of the wedding, we make full amends by holding a large Walimah (a meal after consummating the marriage) the following day.

The practise of Walimah was also celebrated by the Holy Prophet SAW but not in the same manner in which we are accustomed to. When Khaibar was conquered, among the prisoners of war included Safiyyah RA, the daughter of a Jewish chief. Dihya Qalbi RA requested the Holy Prophet for a maid. The Prophet said, “Go and take any slave girl.” He took Safiyyah RA . At this, the other Sahabah approached the Prophet SAW and said: “O, Prophet of Allah! Banu Nazir and Banu Quraizah (the Jewish tribes of Madinah) will feel offended to see the daughter of a Jewish chief working as a maid. We therefore suggest that she is only suitable for you.” The Prophet SAW called Dihya and said, “Take any seven slave girls but leave her (i.e. Safiyyah).” The Prophet SAW then freed her from slavery and married her. In the tradition reported in Sahih Al-Bukhari, we are further told that they had left Khaibar and on the way, Ummi Sulaim RA dressed her for marriage and at night she sent her as a bride. The following day Walimah feast was arranged with whatever was available.

The point to elicit from this story is the manner in which the Walimah was organised. It was such a simple affair. The Holy Prophet SAW asked his companions to bring their own food. He spread out an eating mat and some brought dates and others cooking butter. This was the manner in which the Walimah of Allah's Messenger SAW was celebrated.

The teachings of our religion, as exemplified by the Holy Prophet SAW, impress upon us simplicity. We need to change our approach and attitude to life and adopt these simple and noble practises. There is need for us to change our present outlook. We should replace our indifference and apathy to the suffering borne by fellow Muslims and replace it with a genuine feeling of love and consideration. Only then will we merit the pity of Allah. If we are sincere Muslims then let us mirror the loss sustained by our brothers and sisters. Such should be our grief that it shows on our faces, cause feelings of pain and revulsion in our hearts and makes sour the food and drink we consume. This should be a natural reaction to hearing any kind of tragedy befalling Muslims. Alas, there is a great need to re-establish true Islamic brotherhood in this day and age.