To Every Father

Allah Ta'ala says:

"O Believers! Save yourselves and your families (wife, children etc.) from a fire whose fuel is men and stones, over which are appointed stern and severe angels, who do not disobey Allah in that which He has commanded them and they do (precisely) what they have been commanded." (Surah At-Tahreem: Ayat 6)

Saiyidina Ali ibn Abi Talib RA says that - 'save your families' means that you should discipline them and give them proper Islamic education.

Qatadah RA says that 'save your families' means that you should command them with the obedience of Allah Ta'aala and prevent them from his disobedience.

O Compassionate Father!

What practical action will you take if it is said to you:

"If you do not take correct care and repair the huge building you own, it will collapse."

Definitely you will make every possible effort to save it from collapsing.

So what practical efforts are you making with regard to your beloved daughter whom Allah Ta'ala has commanded you to save from the Fire of Jahannam?

Are you preparing her to fall into the Fire of Jahannam or are you preparing her to enter Paradise? O Compassionate Father!

These young girls who are deprived of modesty, who display arrogance toward the commands of Allah Ta'ala, we see and hear them - they have not fallen from the sky nor emerged from beneath the earth - they come out from your home and the home of your Muslim brother.

Hence, My Beloved Brother! Fear Allah and take care of your beloved daughter more than your worldly matters.

Do not become from amongst those with regard to whom Rasulullah SAW said:

"A cuckold will not enter Jannah."
(Definition of cuckold in dictionary: 'the husband of an unfaithful wife'.)

The Sahabah Radhiallahu anhum asked:

"Ya Rasulullah! Who is a cuckold?"

Rasulullah SAW replied:

"He who does not protect his Mahram women."

In one narration Rasulullah SAW is reported to have said:

"A cuckold is happy with the evil in his family." (Musnad Ahmad)

(Syntax-edited from what has been published by Madrasah Arabia Islamia)

The Mother's Influence On Her Children

The most prevailing influence anything can have on the child is the influence of the mother.

Hence the mother is required to develop virtuous morals and character. We should not underplay any action of the child even if it seems trivial. We should be well conscious of our child's activities within the home and beyond as well. However, the child should not be aware that he/she is under surveilance, as this would hamper his/her natural development and he/she will not be able to come out of himself/herself.

Similarly, when we see something in our child's possession that was not given by us (the parents) or any other relative, we ought to make sure that we dwelve into the source of that item. Some parents wholly believe their children when they claim they found it on the road or obtained it from a friend. The parents avoid the trouble of making further enquiries and consider their duty done. Whereas it is a natural instinct that if a child, Allah Ta'ala forbid, stole an item, then he/she is bound to make such false claims to protect himself/herself from humiliation. It is also natural that when the child realises that his parent or guardian is not very meticulous about his/her inquiries, then the child is bound to plummet further into a life of criminality.

Worse than this is when the child is assisted or encouraged by the parent to engage in theft. Undoubtedly the child will become more entrenched in this crime and he is bound to be entangled in a life of vice and criminality.

A Muslim court once handed down sentence to a thief.

As his hand was about to be amputated, he ragingly addressed the people around him saying:

"Before you amputate my hand, amputate my mother's tongue. When I stole an egg the very first time in my life from my neighbour's house, my mother failed to admonish me. She didn't even ask me to return the egg to the neighbour. In fact, she started chirping in happiness and said: 'I praise the Almighty that today my son has turned out to be a perfect man'. If my mother didn't have such a twittering tongue, I wouldn't have been a criminal of society today."

An incident pertaining to this topic is narrated in the books of Hadith.

One night, Saiyidina Umar ibn Al-Khattab RA was on his usual rounds around Madinah when he came across a house and overheard the following conversation:

"Daughter! Add on a bit of water to the milk."

On hearing more closely, he realised that mother and daughter are engaged in a dispute over diluting the milk with water.

Upon the mother asking the daughter to add water, the daughter replied:

"This is an offense. The Caliph has vehemently forbade such an action."

The mother countered:

"Where will the Caliph be able to see us here?"

The daughter then offered a startling response, whereby she responded:

"Then where is Allah? (i.e. Allah is watching us.)"

On hearing this reply, Saiyidina Umar RA was extremeley pleased. The Caliph RA returned home, went up to his son 'Aasim RA and asked him to marry this girl. 'Aasim RA subsequently married her. From the progeny of this union the great personality of Umar bin Abdul Aziz RA was born – a personality whose achievements can never be forgotten by the Islamic world.

On the basis of the aforementioned points we merely wish to drive home the fact that a mother has dynamic influence over the child. If the mother is pious, then the child will also be inclined to piety; and if the mother has mean habits or evil character, then these will surely be conveyed to the child too.

How wonderfully a poet puts it:

"The grass that grows in the orchard is very different to the grass that grows in the jungle."

What hope of excellence can we entertain from children suckled by deficient women ?

The Sahabah RA and the Tabi'in RA who were holders of exceptional virtues, inherited these virtues from their mothers. Let us mention a few of them here:

1. Zubair bin Awwam RA is highly indebted to his mother - Safiyyah binti Abdul Muttalib RA. She was responsible for moulding his character and morals.

2. Abdullah RA, Munzir RA and Urwah RA - all the sons of Zubair bin Awwam RA were the harvest of the seeds planted by their mother - Asma binti Abu Bakr RA. Each one of them turned out to be a distinctive model of perfection.

3. Saiydina Ali ibn Abi Talib RA was trained with outstanding morals and wisdom at the hands of his mother - Fatimah binti Asad.

4. Abdullah bin Ja'far RA, the most charitable soul of the Arabs and the most moralistic of the youth was also brought up by his mother - Asma binti Umais RA. She shaped him on the outstanding morals and character she herself possessed.

5. Mu'awiyah RA inherited from his mother Hindah RA certain skills and talents which he was unable to acquire from his father. When Hindah, his mother, observed his intellectual capabilities during his childhood and someone said to her that this child will become a leader of his people, she confidently replied: "May I cry over him (in other words, may he die) if he fails to become a leader."

As far as division of responsibility is concerned, Islam has placed the bulk of the responsibility of rearing the children on the shoulders of their parents. They are required to rear the children in such a manner that they become proficient in conducting their own responsibilities of life.

So if we want our children to develop the attributes of these personalities, then both - husband and wife - as the father and as the mother - are required to cast our lives in a profile of religiousness, piety and good morals. Let us be uncompromising and all-out motivated in our endeavours; and together with our plans and strategies, we must ensure that we make sincere Du'as to Allah for our children and ourselves as well.

Brother-in-Laws, Sister-in-Laws & Maids In The House

The famous authentic Hadith from Sahih Bukhari: Volume 7: Kitabun Nikah: Hadith 159 explains as follows:

Uqbah ibn Aamir RA quotes Rasulullah SAW as saying:

"Beware of entering upon women."

A man from the Ansar said:

"O Messenger of Allah! What about Al-Hamu, or the wife's In-Law (the brother of her husband or his nephew, etc.)?"

The Prophet SAW replied:

"The In-Law of the wife is death itself."

The above Hadith is also reported in Sahih Muslim, Kitabus-Salam: Chapter 8, Hadith 5400.
Imam Nawawi RA commented on the above narration and said:

"Al-Layth ibn Sa'd holds that the "the In-Law" refers to a relative of the husband other than his father and sons e.g. his brother, nephew, and cousin, etc. with whom marriage would be permissible for her, if she were to be divorced or widowed."

As for the Prophet SAW saying:

"The In-Law is death"

- it means that you are supposed to be very cautious of him as evil is most expected from him. This is because the In-Law, contrary to an absolute stranger, can easily approach the lady and violate her privacy, without people blaming him for doing so.

The In-Law here stands for husband's relatives other than his fathers and sons. As for the husband's father and sons, they are considered Muhrim to his wife and they are allowed to be alone with her. They don't fall under the category of "the In-Law is death".

To recap, those who are described of death are:

- the husband's brother
- the cousin(s)
- the uncle(s); and
- all those who are not Muhrim for the wife.

Today's age of ignorance and lack of Piety sees that people usually take it easy and find no problem with the husband's brother being in private with the wife. This is "death" itself as the In-Law is most worthy of the prohibition.

The Prophet Muhammad SAW particularly warned women concerning Khalwat - i.e. being alone with Male-In-Laws since people are quite negligent in this regard, sometimes resulting in disastrous consequences. It is obvious that a relative has easier access than a stranger to a woman's quarters, something which no one would question him. The same is true of the wife's Non-Muhrim relatives, and it is prohibited for any of them to be in Khalwat with her.

The Prophet SAW teaches us that there are inherent dangers and even destruction in such privacy: Religion is destroyed if they commit sin; the wife is ruined if her husband divorces her out of jealousy; and social relationships are torn apart if relatives become suspicious of each other.

The danger lies not merely in the possibility of sexual temptation. It is even greater in relation to the possibility gossip about what is private and personal between the husband and wife by those who cannot keep secrets to themselves and relish talking about others; such talk has ruined many marriages and destroyed many homes.

So as conclusion - the brother and sister-in-law - whether either or both - must not live in the same house.

With regards to helpers/maids they are paid and not considered slaves, so the same provision of Hijab applies. In short no Non-Muhrim man and woman should be alone together in the house. A tertib should be arranged so that the helper/maid does her job mainly when there is no man in her vicinity. It is best when eating together - the wife serves her husband, even if the helper/maid cooked the food. It is better that no verbal communication occur between helper/maid and you in the house, and everything is through the medium of the wife. Hijab laws maintain strictly. If the helper/maid decides to go against the Shari'ah - then she ought to be replaced with another person.

Giving A Child An Angel's Name

Brother Ruvian Ruslan contacted me this morning to ask of the permissibility of naming his soon-to-be child with the name of the Angel of Allah - "Mikail" - the Mala'ikah responsible for the delivery of provisions i.e. Rizq to this World. This post is our exact response to the issue, with minor syntax and language modifications - merging the advice and knowledge from the Ulama of the Ahlus Sunnah Wal Jama'ah, as well as providing a discussion on the principles of making decisions in Islam for the purpose of Taqwa and a drive for Piety.

May this be beneficial. Ameen.

Abu Khadijah Damansari


Salams Ruvian

Wa'alaikumussalam Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

JazakallahuKhaira for taking the time to send your enquiry. May Allah SWT make it easy for your wife and yourself in the preparation for the welcoming of your child into this world. We hope that preparations are made for the child's Aqiqah and Tahneek with the Ulama. It is recommended that your wife increases her indulgence in Qur'anic recital, Nawafil Solat, Zikr and Du'a. May Allah SWT make the child pious and of grand benefit to the Muslim Ummat. Ameen.

With regards to giving a child the name - Mikail - or any other Angel of Allah. The situation may be summarised like this:


Evidence From Hadith

Many Ulama express that it is Makruh i.e. offensive and undesirable to name a child with the name of an Angel.

The Hadith of reference is as follows:

سموا بأسماء الأنبياء و لا تسموا بأسماء الملائكة

Which means:

"Give a name (to your child) with the names of the Prophets (AS) and do not give a name from the names of the Angels."

The above Hadith is narrated by Imam Bukhari RA in his kitab: "At-Tarikh Al-Kabir"; as well as by Imam Baihaqi RA in his kitab: "Shu'abal Imaan".

Nevertheless, the authenticity of the above Hadith is questioned by some Ulama i.e. some scholars say that the above hadith is Dha'if. However, we must understand that the injunction of "Dha'if" (i.e . Weak) is not the same as "Maudu'" (i.e. Fabricated/False). Thus the above Hadith has some bearing and influence to the way we choose the name of our children. The Ulama say - one weak hadith is better than 1000 independent opinions of scholars.

It should ne noted that the grand Imam - Imam Malik bin Anas RA explained the ruling that it is Makruh to give the child the name -Jibril. This ruling is also held by other grand Ulama such as Ibn Qayyim RA as explained in "Tuhfatul Maudud" and Ibn Uthaymeen RA in "Al-Manahi Al-Lafdhiyyah".

On the other hand, the Ulama from the Shafi'i School and Hanbali School of Jurisprudence say that doing such as merely Permissible. This is per explanation of Imam Nawawi RA in his Al-Majmu' - Chapter 8: Page 436:

ذهبنا ومذهب الجمهور جواز التسمية باسماء الانبياء والملائكة صلوات الله وسلامه عليهم أجمعين ولم ينقل فيه خلاف الا عن عمر بن الخطاب رضى الله عنه أنه نهى عن التسمية بأسماء الانبياء وعن الحرد بن مسكن انه كره التسمية باسماء الملائكة وعن مالك كراهة التسمية بجبريل وياسين

Meaning to the effect:

"Our school and the schools of the reliable - are of the position that it is permissible to give a name (to a child) with the names of the Prophets (AS) and the Angels (AS), and there has not been any difference of opinion in this, except from (Saiyidina) Umar ibn Al-Khattab RA - in that he prohibited the giving of names of Prophets, and from Al-Harith ibn Miskin - that he hates giving a name (to a child) with the names of Angels, and from Malik (RA) - that it is offensive to give the names Jibril and Yaasiin."


A FINAL NOTE

My humble approach to this matter is that we should take into account of the opinion of ALL scholars of the Ahlus Sunnah Wal Jama'ah of Haqq and then practice what is best . Any parent would definitely want what is best for his/her child. In Dunia as well as Akhirah.

So let us find a solution systematically:

For example - in the Shafi'i School of Jurisprudence, it is Makruh to brush the teeth with Miswaak (sugi) while fasting, but in the Hanafi School of Jurisprudence, it is Recommended , especially before Solat. Hence because we are adherents of the Shafi'i School, and since the injunctions of both schools are almost opposite to each other, then we should abide by the Shafi''i School of Jurisprudence, and hence we should refrain from using the Miswaak whilst fasting.

On the other hand, in the Shafi'i School, Witr is Sunnat Mu'akkad but NOT Wajib, but in the Hanafi School, it is Wajib. Having known that Witr is the greatest Sunnat Solat after the five time daily prayer, and knowing that both schools ENCOURAGES the performance of Witr Solat, then hence - a Muslim should compel himself to perform Witr, and as such he will be fulfilling what is best in both Schools of Jurisprudence.

In the case of giving the name "Mikail" or any Angels' name on the other hand - we know that there is evidence that it is Permissible but not Virtuous, and there is evidence that it is Makruh and Detested. Hence by merging the views of both, we should choose the PRECAUTIONARY ROUTE OF PIETY and REFRAIN from selecting such a name, and opt for other names instead which has been CONFIRMED to be strongly recommended by Rasulullah SAW, his Sahabah RA and the Pious Precessors RA as well as the Ulama. Such names include: Muhammad, Abdulllah, Abdur-Rahman, the names of the Companions RA and other good Muslim names.

In Malaysia, the culture is to choose names which sound good / unique / "canggih" - whilst maintaining a good meaning. Although this is not the best way to go about things, it is certainly acceptable.

The name of a child is one that lasts forever. Even after the person has passed away. And in Islam, we know that the name of a child affects his/her character. So we should always go for what is best.

I hope I have answered your question sufficiently.

JazakallahuKhaira.

Learn To Take Care Of Your Children - 106

UNDESIRABLE NAMES SHOULD BE CHANGED

Aishah RA reports that Rasulullah SAW used to change the unpleasant names of people and replaced them with good names.

Abdullah bin Umar RA relates that one of his sisters was named Aasiyah (disobedient). Rasullah SAW changed it to Jameelah (beautiful).

Zainab RA says that I had been named Birrah (pious). Rasulullah SAW then said: "Do not claim piety, for Allah knows best who amongst you are pious. Name her Zainab!"


NAMES MAY INFLUENCE THE LIVES OF PEOPLE

Sa'eed ibn Musayib RA relates from his father that his grandfather went to Rasulullah SAW and was asked: "What is your name?" He replied: "Hazn" (sorrow). Rasulullah SAW said: "You are Sahl." (contended). He replied: "I will not change the name my father had given me." The narrator says that thereafter sorrow continually remained with them.


KEEP AWAY FROM NAMES IMPLYING SHIRK

As Muslims, we should always abstain from keeping names implying any elements of Shirk, like adjoining the word 'Abd' (servant) to names or epithets other that those of Allah Ta'ala.

Rasulullah SAW also forbade keeping pompous and self-glorifying names, for this reveals arrogance and haughtiness - human elements most abhorred by Allah Ta'ala.


PROTECT THE DIGNITY OF YOUR IDENTITY AND FAITH

Muslims should always have dignity and protect their identity and faith. Nowadays, to conceal his/her identity, it is common practice for a person to "westernise" his name, like substituting Yusuf with Joe or Joseph, Uzair with Ozzie, Ridhuan with Ricky and even Muhammad with Mo.

Efforts to distort such beautiful names merely reveal an un-Islamic and sacreligious attitude. Remember, there exists behind each Islamic name an Islamic spirit and meaning, which, when distorted, is ruined. For example, there is intended love for the Prophet of Islam, and barakah when naming a child Muhammad. But when Muhammad is called Mo, this spirit of love for Rasulullah SAW and the acquiring of barakah by such a name is shattered. Should we not then refrain from such sacreligious practices?

May Allah Ta'ala guide us so that we may realise the beauty and uniqueness of the religion of Islam propounded by no other than the one who is the best of Allah's creations - Rasulullah SAW.

Ameen.

Learn To Take Care Of Your Children - 105

NAMING THE CHILD

It is the infant's vested right to be honoured with a good name. When choosing a name for the child, it should be done with the intention that the child will be blessed with the barakah of that name. Here are some Ahadith to show the importance of selecting a good and correct name:

Abdullah ibn Umar RA relates Rasulullah SAW as saying:

"Truly, the most loved of your names by Allah are Abdullah and Abdur-Rahmaan."

It is also reported in the Hadith collection of Abu Dawud that Rasulullah SAW said:

"Keep the names of prophets. And the most desirable names by Allah Ta'ala are Abdullah and Abdur-Rahmaan. And names that depict honesty are Haarith (planter) and Hammaam (thoughtful). And the most disliked ones are Harb (battle) and Murrah (bitter)."


THE BARAKAH OF NAMING A CHILD AFTER RASULULLAH SAW

Rasulullah SAW said:

"Whoever is named after me with the hope of being blessed, he will be blessed and will be in peace till the Day of Qiyaamat."

Rasulullah SAW is also reported to have said:

"To whomever is born a boy and he names him Muhammad solely for the love of me and for the blessings of my name, then both he (the father) and his son will enter Jannah."


THE IMPORTANCE OF KEEPING GOOD NAMES

It has been narrated that Rasulullah SAW said:

"On the Day of Qiyaamah you will be called by your (own) names and the names of your fathers. Therefore keep good names." (RIwayat Abu Dawud)

Rasulullah SAW also advised the Ummah:

"To whoever is born a child, the child should be given a good name and sound education. And when he becomes of age he should be married."

It was the practice of Rasulullah SAW to enquire the names of persons and villages. If they were pleasant, it became apparent on his face. If not, his displeasure could be seen.

Once Rasulullah SAW called for a volunteer to milk a she-camel. Four persons volunteered: he refused to accept the services of the first three because their names did not imply pleasantness. The names of the first two were Murrah (bitter) while Jamrah (burning coal) was the name of the third person. When the fourth said his name is Yaeesh (long live), Rasulullah SAW said to him - "Milk her".

Learn To Take Care Of Your Children - 104

WHEN THE CHILD BEGINS TO TALK

The child should first be taught to say the Kalimah Shahadah when he /she begins to talk.

"Laa Ilaaha Illallah Muhammmadar Rasulullah."


EDUCATION AND GOOD MANNERS

Islam lays considerable emphasis on education and good character. It is the children's rightful claim to be given sound Islaamic education and taught good manners. This will not only afford the children happiness in both the worlds, but they will prove great assets to both, their families and society as well. This is why Rasoolullah sallallaahu-alayhi-wasallam declared good manners as the 'best thing' a father can impart to his children. He also declared the mother as the 'shepherdess' of the household which implies that she is responsible for the correct upbringing of her children.


WHAT PARENTS OWE THEIR CHILDREN

Education and Good Manners
Islam lays great emphasis on education and good character. It is the children's rightful claim to be given sound Islamic education and taught good manners. This will not only afford the children happiness in both - the world and the Hereafter, but they will prove great assets to both - their families and society as well. This is why Rasulullah SAW declared good manners as the best thing a father can impart to his children. He also declared the mother as the shepherdess of the household which implies that she is responsible for the correct upbringing of her children. Let it be known that this cannot be achieved if the mother is occupied with so-called professional obligations. To sacrifice the nurturing of good children at the expense of a "career" is lowly.

Self-Esteem
Parents owe their children personal worth and self-esteem which are the cornerstones for sound mental health. A child who is constantly criticised, looked down at, reproached, made to feel stupid and inept, continually compared with their brothers and sisters or cousins who do better; will become so unsure and so terrified that he or she will lose enthusiasm for learning and becoming successful.

Praising The Child and Expressing Love
A child needs to be praised every now and again for his achievements and good behaviour. Some parents find it difficult to voice their approval or praise the child. However, there are other modes of expressing approval as well, such as - a smile, a caress or a kiss will convey approval. All these acts of love are very essential for producing children who are healthy in mind and body. It is for this reason that our Shari'ah lays considerable stress on showing love and affection to children. Rasulullah SAW said that one who does not have mercy on our children and does not respect our elders, is not from among us.

Equality
Parents should always treat their children equitably. Children tend to grow miserable, lose confidence, become discouraged and resentful if parents show favouritism towards a particular child. It is related by Aishah RA - that once she offered a date to a lady beggar who was accompanied by her two daughters. The lady shared the date between her two daughters, depriving herself of a share. Then she departed. When Rasulullah SAW came home, she related to him the incident. The Prophet SAW said: "Whoever is involved (dealing in issues) with any daughters, and he treats them well (equitably), this will serve as a protection for him/her from the Fire."

Basic Islamic Education
It is the duty of every parent to ensure that his/her children have basic Islamic education which covers Aqaa'id or Islamic beliefs, the five principles of Islam, the rulings and Masaa'il pertaining to these five principles and the correct recital of the Holy Qur'an.

Standards and Values
Decent standards and solid values should also be taught to the child. This means being respectful to parents, elders, the Ulama, teachers and just laws.

Cleanliness and Other Necessary Precautions
The Shari'ah has termed cleanliness as half of Imaan. As such the mother should personally accomplish all maternal devotions such as feeding, bathing and keeping the child clean and in hygiene. Soiled clothes must be cleaned without delay so that there is no potential of disease and sickness spreading. In the availables of modern medical care, the child should also be immunised against infantile diseases. Never should any Muslim be tricked by the Shaytaan to think that getting an immunisation jab for the child means lack of faith and reliance in Allah. This is a deception which must be thrown away.

Learn To Take Care Of Your Children - 103

TAHNEEK

Tahneek means the placing of a piece of date, softened by chewing, on the palate of the new-born. The practice of tahneek is Masnun (a confirmed Sunnah) since Rasulullah SAW made the tahneek of Abdullah bin Zubair RA and Abdullah bin Talhah RA. Unfortunately this practice of tahneek is rarely acted upon in modern times. The reward of reviving a "dying" sunnah of Rasulullah SAW is boundless. Here again, this should be the prerogative of a learned Aalim or a pious elder of the family. Otherwise any Muslim male would suffice. If dates are not available, honey should serve as an ideal substitute.

THE AFTERBIRTH AND NAVAL-CORD

The afterbirth and naval-cord should be buried with due care since they are considered parts of the human body. As such, it should be treated with respect and honour. Disposing it in the drain or garbage is contrary to this honour. It is for this reason, too, that the dead body of a human being may not be cremated or abandoned in a pit for vultures and other animals to devour it, as is customary among the people of other religions.

FEEDING

As the infant is the offspring of its mother, it is common sense that the mother's milk is the most suitable source of nourishment for the baby. Therefore, the mother should most obligingly fulfil her duty of breastfeeding the child. By so doing - bonds of love, affection and intimacy are strengthened between mother and child, and in the process, good habits and character are transmitted to the child. All these and countless other benefits are contained in breastfeeding. Artificial methods of feeding are all devoid of these benefits. Other methods of feeding of course may be resorted to if ill health or other circumstances do not permit the mother to breastfeed her child. The mother must ensure that no Haraam food is consumed by the child; and the recitation of "Bismillah" should always be recited before feeding.

MAXIMUM PERIOD FOR BREASTFEEDING

The maximum period for which a child could be breastfed is two years, for this is the right of the child. The child should be weaned by two years and common food should be fed to the child.

THE CHILD'S ATTIRE

Muslim males may not adorn themselves with clothes of silk or any red and bright orange (saffron) colour. Neither gold nor silver ornaments (except for a silver ring of defined specifications). Adorning is only characteristic of women.

Parents should also ensure that children dress in an honourable and modest manner - never immitating the ostentatious styles that may be in vogue. Due to the incorrect concept of 'freedom" and "broadmindedness", parents allow their children to dress and act in a manner they wish. This eventually results in problematic, rebellious and disobedient children who in adolescent stages cause parents and society untold heartbreak and much anxiety.

HAIR, AQIQAH AND NAMING THE CHILD

It is recommended Sunnah to remove the baby's hair and to observe the Aqiqah and to name the child on the seventh day after birth. Gold or silver equivalent to the weight of the removed hair may be given as charity to the poor. Otherwise its equivalent value in money. The hair, being a portion of the human body should be buried with due respect. Aqeeqah is a form of sadaqah whereby the child is safeguarded against misfortunes. Two sheep or two goats are offered for a boy while one goat or sheep suffices for a girl. If the seventh day coincides with the days of Qurban (the Eid of sacridfice) then portions of a cow, ox or camel may be offered as qurbaani and portions for Aqiqah.

CIRCUMCISION

Circumcision must be performed on the children, both male and female. For males it consists of removing the prepuce from the penis, and for females, it involves removing the prepuce (bazr) of the clitoris (not the clitoris itself, as some mistakenly assert). It is best that circumcision is done at a very young age - e.g. on the seventh day after birth, as that is when it is easiest to perform; and at most before puberty - the age of which non-performance of Solat becomes sinful.

Learn To Take Care Of Your Children - 102

WHEN A CHILD IS BORN

It is indeed a joyous occasion when parents are blessed with a child. And the extent of the joy could be enhanced even further if the laws of Shari'ah are adhered to and all other meaningless rituals are cast aside. Welcoming the child into his/her worldly life has already been taught - clearly by Rasulullah SAW. For immense spiritual benefit, we follow what has been prescribed, and leave anything contrevening from culture.

After birth the child should be given proper ghusl (bath). Thereafter the message of the Greatness and Oneness of Allah Ta'ala, and the prophethood of Rasulullah SAW should be the first words to reach the child's innocent ears. This should be accomplished by giving Azaan near his right ear and Iqamah close to his left. This noble task should be the prerogative of an Aalim or a pious elder of the family. If such a person is not at hand then any Muslim male may perform this Sunnah.


DU'AS ON THIS BLESSED OCCASSION

It is recommended Sunnah to recite the following du'a after the Azaan and Iqamah:

Allaahumma innee a'uudhuhaa bika wa dhurriyyatihaa min ash-shaytaani ar-rajeem.

O Allah, I seek your protection for her and her descendants from the cursed Shaytaan.

Note: For boys read "A'oodhuhu" and "wa dhurriyatuhu'.

After that, proceed with Surah Al-Ikhlas - "Qul Huwallaahu Ahad etc."

Then proceed:

Allahumma ij'alhu barran taqiyyan. Wa anbit-hu fil Islaam nabaatan hasanaa.

For girls read:

Allahumma ij'alhaa barran taqiyyan. Wa anbit-haa fil Islaam nabaatan hasanaa.

O Allah, make him/her pious and Godfearing and let him/her grow up in Islam to his/her excellent growth.

Then continue:

Allaahumma allimhul kitaaba wal hikma wafiqqih-hu fi ddeen.

For girls read:

Allaahumma allimhal kitaaba wal hikma wafiqqih-ha fi ddeen.

O Allah, teach him/her the Qur'an and wisdom and give him/her the understanding in Deen.

Learn To Take Care Of Your Children - 101

Allah SWT says in the Qur'an:

"Verily the religion with Allah (true, genuine and acceptable by Allah) is Islam..." (Surah Al-Imraan)

In other words, Allah has referred to Islam as the only religion acceptable by Him. This means that for anyone to attain pure success, Islam must be followed; and any other way will lead to doom and failure.

And at another place in the Qur'an, Allah SWT announces:

"Today have I perfected for you your religion and have completed my favours upon you, and have chosen for you Islam as your religion..." (Surah Al-Maa'idah)

In the above mentioned Ayat, Allah SWT refers to Islam as a perfect and complete religion which Allah SWT has chosen for us. That is to say, a religion which is complete in all aspects of life.

Since Islam is as mentioned by Allah Ta'ala, it is the bounded duty of every Muslim to ensure the upbringing of his children in the perfect and uncompromising fashion of Islam. How can we even have flavour and appetite for Western ideals when even those of the West today has become disillusioned and disenchanted by their own mess.

So hence, the choice is entirely ours - either we rear children who will be a credit to their Deen, comfort to their families and a boon to society: or by slavishly adhering to the rubbish passed of as "modern" and "fashionable", we will reap untold heartbreak when these children, after reaching adolescence, prove rebellious and disobedient to both, their families and society at large.

If we are desirous of children imbued with true Islamic spirit, then we must mould our lives strictly in accordance with the teachings of our beloved Rasulullah SAW so that from the very beginning of conception, our children will be blessed with the Nur and true spirit of Islam.


AN ADVICE TO THE THE EXPECTANT MOTHER

It is irrefutable that the mother's proper nourishment has a telling effect on the health of the yet-to-be-born child. In the like manner the spiritual nourishment of the mother is no less important. If the mother is desirous of an obedient, pious and spiritually healthy child - and which Muslim parent isn't??? - she has no choice but to think and act in a manner which will manifest the luminous spirit of Islaam. She will have to spend, much time offering her devotions to Allah by performing Solat, making Zikr, reciting the Holy Qur'an and fill her time with Ibadah.

This will have a two-fold result:

(i) The mother will remain spiritually and mentally healthy; and at the same time -
(ii) The child will be inheriting piety, good manners and many other angelic qualities;

Insha-Allah.

It is no wonder then that these angelic qualities are often manifested in the infancy of many great personalities. It is said of many pious people of the past - that they were born with certain portions of the Holy Qur'an already imprinted in their memory. Others even refused to drink the milk of their mother during the holy month of Ramadhan.

Below infact is an authentic incident mentioned in the collections of Bukhari and Muslim to substantiate that the acts of virtue of parents certainly have positive effects on their progenies for generations to come:

Abu Talhah RA, a companion of Rasulullah SAW, had a son who had fallen gravely ill. During that period the father had to leave home for a number of days on an important errand, leaving the child to the care of the mother. Whilst away, the sickness caused the death of the child. The mother beseeched the people not to inform her husband even when he returned. When he returned his very first enquiry was about his son. She answered that he (their son) is presently in a more comfortable state than that which he had been in (meaning that death had rendered him peace and comfort). By this answer the husband understood that he had recuperated. She then offered him his supper which he ate with relish. The good wife then even adorned herself as best she could which filled him with passionate feelings. When she saw that her husbands needs had been tended to, then only did she disclose to him the death of their son.

This stark news proved a severe blow to him. He was annoyed and overcome with intense grief, that she had not disclosed to him the child's fate earlierl. At daybreak he approached Rasulullah SAW and related to him what had transpired during the night. Rasulullah SAW intently asked him whether they had copulated. When he answered in the affirmative, he blessed them by saying: "O Allah, grant them blessings for what had transpired during the night."

Many months later, a male issue was born of them whose Tahneek (the act of placing sweet substances e.g. dates into the mouth of a newborn baby) was done by Rasulullah SAW. He (SAW) named him - "Abdullah".

When Abdullah RA grew up and married, Allah Ta'ala blessed him with nine children, all of whom became Huffaz (memorisers) of the Holy Qur'an and learned Ulama of their time. This overwhelming attainment can only be attributed to the acts of virtue of the grandmother of these Ulama. It becomes apparent from the above incident that acts of virtue of parents not only have a telling effect on their children but also on their progenies for generations to come.

Family Relationship in Islam

Islam is a complete way of life. It considers the family the corner stone of Islamic society. It bases the atmosphere in the family on sacrifice, love, loyalty, and obedience. When we say "family" we mean the traditional definition of it namely husband, wife and children. Grandparents are also part of the extended Muslim family.

It may be asked here: how does Islam organise family relationships?

To answer this we have to concentrate on: husband-wife relationship and parents-children relationship.

As for the husband-wife relationship the following verse portrays the right Islamic atmosphere:

"And among his signs is this: He created for you spouses from yourselves that you might find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy." (Surah 30: Verse 21)

The Prophet Muhammad SAW also stressed these meanings when he said:

"The best among you are those who are best to their families and I am the best of you to my family."

He (SAW) once exclaimed:

"It is only the evil one who abuses them (women) and the honoured one is he who honours them."

Once a man came to the Prophet Muhammad SAW and asked:

"Who is the person who is most worthy of my good companionship?"

The Prophet SAW answered: (mafhum)

"Your mother, your mother, your mother then your father."

That is why Islam made Paradise under the feet of mothers according to one tradition of the Prophet Muhammad SAW.

If we contemplate on the Qur'an we find that reference is made to parents-children relationships in four main places. Before it asks children to be good and loyal to their parents it requires parents to be extremely careful in upbringing their children. In other words it asks parents to do their duty before asking for their rights.

Let us contemplate the following verses of the Qur'an:

In Surah Luqman Allah SWT says:

"And surely We gave Luqman wisdom saying Give thanks unto Allah; for whosoever gives thanks, he gives thanks for his soul. And whoever disbelieves, Allah is All-Independent, Worthy of Praise. And when Luqman said to his son while he was exhorting him: O my dear son! Ascribe no partners unto Allah. Lo! To ascribe partners (unto Him) is a tremendous wrong. And we have enjoined upon man to be careful of his parents, His mother bears him in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years, so give thanks to Me and to your parents, for unto Me is the journeying. But if they strive with you to make you ascribe to Me as partner that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but deal with them nicely in the world and follow the path of him who repents to Me. Then unto Me will be your return, and I shall tell you of what you used to do."

The Quran then continues:

"O my son! Lo! Though it be but the weight of a grain of mustard seed, and though it be in a rock, or in the heavens or in the earth, Allah will bring it forth. For Allah is Subtle, Aware. O my son! Establish prayer, enjoin goodness, forbid iniquity and bear with patience whatever may befall you. For that is the steadfast heart of things. Turn not your cheek in scorn towards people, nor walk the earth with pretenses, for Allah loves not each braggart boaster. Be modest in your bearing and subdue your voice for Lo! The harshest of all voices is the voice of the ass." (Surah 31: Ayats 12-19)

These verses provide Muslim parents with the way they should bring up their children, unless they do so, they can expect rebellion and hatred from them; but the devoted parents have full right to what the following verses from the 17th Surah of the Qur'an enjoin.

In this chapter called the Night Journey Allah says:

"Your Lord has decreed that you worship non but Him, and that (you show) kindness to parents. Should one or both of them attain to old age with you, Say not "Fie" ("Uff")unto them nor repulse them, but speak unto them a gracious word. And lower unto them the wing of submission through mercy and say: My Lord! Have mercy on them both as they did care for me when I was little. Your Lord is best aware of what is in yourselves. If you are righteous, then Lo! He was ever forgiving unto those who turn unto Him." (Surah 17: Ayat 23-25)

These are the two main chapters of the Qur'an that decide and clearly depict the Islamic relationship between parents and their children. It is a relationship based as we see on belief in Allah, and feeling that He observes all what we do and that we are accountable to Him even in the bad breath that we may release against our parents when we are angry. Even this has to be controlled.

Let us remember, however, that it is only parents who do their duty, who deserve this honourable treatment of their children. That is why when a parent came to the Prophet SAW and complained to him about the ingratitude of his son, the son said:

"He was ungrateful to me O Messenger of Allah, before I showed ingratitude to him."

So the Prophet SAW did not blame the son but disliked the attitude of his parent. This is a message to all parents.

The third place in the Holy Qur'an that refers to parents-children relationship is in Surah Al-Ahqaf where Allah says:

"And we have enjoined unto man kindness toward parents. His mother bears him with reluctance and delivers him with reluctance. His bearing and weaning are thirty months, till when he attains full strength and reaches forty years, he says: My Lord! Arouse me that I may give thanks for the favour where with you have favoured me and my parents, and I may do right acceptable unto you. And be gracious unto me concerning my seed. I have turned unto you repentant and Lo! I am one of Muslims."

Concerning this type of children the Qur'an has the following comment:

"Those are they from whom We accept the best of what they do, and We overlook their evil deeds among the owners of Paradise. This is the true promise, which they used to be promised (in the world)."

The Qur'an then turns to the other category of children who are disbelievers and are as a result ungrateful to their parents.

The Qur'an declares:

"As for him who said to his parents: Fie upon you both! Do you threaten me that I shall be brought forth when generations before me have passed away! While they too cry unto Allah for help and say: Woe unto you! Believe! Lo! The promise of Allah is true. But he said: This is nothing but fables of the men of old."

Commenting on this attitude Allah says:

"Such are those whom the Word concerning nations of Jinn and mankind which have passed away before has effect. Lo! They are the losers. And for each there will be degrees due to what they did; and He may recompense them in full for their deeds! And they will not be wronged." (Surah 46: Ayats 15-19)

The fourth and last place in the Qur'an that refers to parents children relationship is what is mentioned briefly in the 29th Surah of the Qur'an, where Allah says:

"We have enjoined on man kindness to parents. And should they strive to make you join with Me that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not. Unto me is your return and I shall tell you what you used to do". (Surah 29: Ayat 8)

This verse refers mainly to the unbelieving parents who still have the rights of obedience on their Muslim children unless they ask them to rebel against Allah. In this case they should not be obeyed, but doing good to them should continue regardless of the difference of religion.

In conclusion since the family is the corner stone of society, happiness and prosperity will only be achieved if parents as well as children are committed to the guidance of the Qur'an, the only guidance proved to be successful.