To Every Father

Allah Ta'ala says:

"O Believers! Save yourselves and your families (wife, children etc.) from a fire whose fuel is men and stones, over which are appointed stern and severe angels, who do not disobey Allah in that which He has commanded them and they do (precisely) what they have been commanded." (Surah At-Tahreem: Ayat 6)

Saiyidina Ali ibn Abi Talib RA says that - 'save your families' means that you should discipline them and give them proper Islamic education.

Qatadah RA says that 'save your families' means that you should command them with the obedience of Allah Ta'aala and prevent them from his disobedience.

O Compassionate Father!

What practical action will you take if it is said to you:

"If you do not take correct care and repair the huge building you own, it will collapse."

Definitely you will make every possible effort to save it from collapsing.

So what practical efforts are you making with regard to your beloved daughter whom Allah Ta'ala has commanded you to save from the Fire of Jahannam?

Are you preparing her to fall into the Fire of Jahannam or are you preparing her to enter Paradise? O Compassionate Father!

These young girls who are deprived of modesty, who display arrogance toward the commands of Allah Ta'ala, we see and hear them - they have not fallen from the sky nor emerged from beneath the earth - they come out from your home and the home of your Muslim brother.

Hence, My Beloved Brother! Fear Allah and take care of your beloved daughter more than your worldly matters.

Do not become from amongst those with regard to whom Rasulullah SAW said:

"A cuckold will not enter Jannah."
(Definition of cuckold in dictionary: 'the husband of an unfaithful wife'.)

The Sahabah Radhiallahu anhum asked:

"Ya Rasulullah! Who is a cuckold?"

Rasulullah SAW replied:

"He who does not protect his Mahram women."

In one narration Rasulullah SAW is reported to have said:

"A cuckold is happy with the evil in his family." (Musnad Ahmad)

(Syntax-edited from what has been published by Madrasah Arabia Islamia)

The Mother's Influence On Her Children

The most prevailing influence anything can have on the child is the influence of the mother.

Hence the mother is required to develop virtuous morals and character. We should not underplay any action of the child even if it seems trivial. We should be well conscious of our child's activities within the home and beyond as well. However, the child should not be aware that he/she is under surveilance, as this would hamper his/her natural development and he/she will not be able to come out of himself/herself.

Similarly, when we see something in our child's possession that was not given by us (the parents) or any other relative, we ought to make sure that we dwelve into the source of that item. Some parents wholly believe their children when they claim they found it on the road or obtained it from a friend. The parents avoid the trouble of making further enquiries and consider their duty done. Whereas it is a natural instinct that if a child, Allah Ta'ala forbid, stole an item, then he/she is bound to make such false claims to protect himself/herself from humiliation. It is also natural that when the child realises that his parent or guardian is not very meticulous about his/her inquiries, then the child is bound to plummet further into a life of criminality.

Worse than this is when the child is assisted or encouraged by the parent to engage in theft. Undoubtedly the child will become more entrenched in this crime and he is bound to be entangled in a life of vice and criminality.

A Muslim court once handed down sentence to a thief.

As his hand was about to be amputated, he ragingly addressed the people around him saying:

"Before you amputate my hand, amputate my mother's tongue. When I stole an egg the very first time in my life from my neighbour's house, my mother failed to admonish me. She didn't even ask me to return the egg to the neighbour. In fact, she started chirping in happiness and said: 'I praise the Almighty that today my son has turned out to be a perfect man'. If my mother didn't have such a twittering tongue, I wouldn't have been a criminal of society today."

An incident pertaining to this topic is narrated in the books of Hadith.

One night, Saiyidina Umar ibn Al-Khattab RA was on his usual rounds around Madinah when he came across a house and overheard the following conversation:

"Daughter! Add on a bit of water to the milk."

On hearing more closely, he realised that mother and daughter are engaged in a dispute over diluting the milk with water.

Upon the mother asking the daughter to add water, the daughter replied:

"This is an offense. The Caliph has vehemently forbade such an action."

The mother countered:

"Where will the Caliph be able to see us here?"

The daughter then offered a startling response, whereby she responded:

"Then where is Allah? (i.e. Allah is watching us.)"

On hearing this reply, Saiyidina Umar RA was extremeley pleased. The Caliph RA returned home, went up to his son 'Aasim RA and asked him to marry this girl. 'Aasim RA subsequently married her. From the progeny of this union the great personality of Umar bin Abdul Aziz RA was born – a personality whose achievements can never be forgotten by the Islamic world.

On the basis of the aforementioned points we merely wish to drive home the fact that a mother has dynamic influence over the child. If the mother is pious, then the child will also be inclined to piety; and if the mother has mean habits or evil character, then these will surely be conveyed to the child too.

How wonderfully a poet puts it:

"The grass that grows in the orchard is very different to the grass that grows in the jungle."

What hope of excellence can we entertain from children suckled by deficient women ?

The Sahabah RA and the Tabi'in RA who were holders of exceptional virtues, inherited these virtues from their mothers. Let us mention a few of them here:

1. Zubair bin Awwam RA is highly indebted to his mother - Safiyyah binti Abdul Muttalib RA. She was responsible for moulding his character and morals.

2. Abdullah RA, Munzir RA and Urwah RA - all the sons of Zubair bin Awwam RA were the harvest of the seeds planted by their mother - Asma binti Abu Bakr RA. Each one of them turned out to be a distinctive model of perfection.

3. Saiydina Ali ibn Abi Talib RA was trained with outstanding morals and wisdom at the hands of his mother - Fatimah binti Asad.

4. Abdullah bin Ja'far RA, the most charitable soul of the Arabs and the most moralistic of the youth was also brought up by his mother - Asma binti Umais RA. She shaped him on the outstanding morals and character she herself possessed.

5. Mu'awiyah RA inherited from his mother Hindah RA certain skills and talents which he was unable to acquire from his father. When Hindah, his mother, observed his intellectual capabilities during his childhood and someone said to her that this child will become a leader of his people, she confidently replied: "May I cry over him (in other words, may he die) if he fails to become a leader."

As far as division of responsibility is concerned, Islam has placed the bulk of the responsibility of rearing the children on the shoulders of their parents. They are required to rear the children in such a manner that they become proficient in conducting their own responsibilities of life.

So if we want our children to develop the attributes of these personalities, then both - husband and wife - as the father and as the mother - are required to cast our lives in a profile of religiousness, piety and good morals. Let us be uncompromising and all-out motivated in our endeavours; and together with our plans and strategies, we must ensure that we make sincere Du'as to Allah for our children and ourselves as well.

Practical Tips for Parenting Young Children

Based on the advise of Sister A'ishah Hamdan

Parents of young children (pre-school age) should have few expectations in terms of behavior and acquisition of knowledge due to the cognitive limitations at this age. This does not mean that children should be allowed to run about and do as they please; they still require guidelines and boundaries. What it does mean is that care should be taken regarding the methods that are used to raise children and the values that are instilled from the very beginning. It is interesting to note that the Arabic term - "Tarbiyah", which is often used to mean teaching or training - generally refers to growth, increase, nourishment, and cultivation. This relates to the physical, intellectual, emotional, psychological, and spiritual aspects of an individual. When thinking of growth and cultivation, this implies that something has already been planned or is already present as Fitrah (natural presence).

Tarbiyah then refers to the various methods that are used to watch over and attend to a child until he or she becomes prepared to take responsibility and behave in complete submission to and worship of Allah SWT. The following suggestions are techniques that may be used for tarbiyah for early childhood.


Play, Play, Play

Play should be the primary emphasis during this time in a child's life since this is the means through which they gain an understanding of the world around them. Pretend or imaginative play is the most common type of play during this stage and this directly impacts cognitive, social, and psychological development.

Children will often mimic or imitate the behavior of adults or other children around them in their play, which is their way of preparing for their particular roles in life. Girls will most often imitate their mother; while boys will follow in the footsteps of their father. We see girls usually playing with dolls, dressing and feeding them and boys usually in a more rough-and-tumble physical types of play. These gender roles develop at an early age and are a natural part of Allah's plan for the different responsibilities assigned for men and women. These and other types of play should be encouraged and fostered in young children.


Prevention

The saying "Prevention is the best medicine" is true not only in the medical field, but also within psychology. There are many steps that parents can take to prevent misbehavior and avoid the disruption that their children may cause within the family.

First of all, children need predictability, structure, and guidelines because this gives them a sense of security and a feeling that there is order in the world. When this is present they are less likely to feel anxious or stressed which, in turn, will decrease the likelihood of inappropriate behavior. Children will sometimes act chaotic if they are in a chaotic environment.

Secondly, probably the most common reason for misbehavior of children is that they want to gain attention from their parents or other adults. A defining feature of being human is the need for social contact, approval, and attcntion that is already present at birth. When parents fulfil this need adequately, a child will feel content and be more likely to engage in solitary play. If a child is not able to obtain attention through positive behavior, he or she may want to utilise negative behavior for this purpose. To prevent this, Parents can fulfill this need by spending quality time with their child; for example by talking, playing, reading, enjoying nature, and much more related activities with their children. It is worth reminding and emphasising here that quality is often more important than quantity.


Rewarding Positive Behavior

The concept of rewards and punishments is an integral part of Islamic Aqidah as there are natural consequences for each of our actions. This same wisdom can be applied to the area of parenting.

The Messenger of Allah SAW once said in a Hadith Qudsi (Divine Hadith) - that Allah SWT says:

"Allah has written down the good deeds and the bad ones. Then He explained it (by saying that) he who has intended a good deed and has not done it, Allah writes it down with Himself as a full good deed; but if he has intended it and has done it, Allah writes it down with Himself as from ten good deeds to seven hundred times, or many times over. But if he has intended a bad deed and has not done it, Allah writes it down with Himself as a full good deed, but if he has intended it and has done it, Allah writes it down as one bad deed." (Bukhari & Muslim)

from the above Hadith Qudsi, we can see Allah's Mercy to his bondsmen and this should be reflected in the Tarbiyah committed by parents as well. Rewards are effective in not only increasing the occurrence of positive behavior, but also in decreasing negative behavior and increasing a child's self-esteem. The most effective rewards for children are those that are the easiest to give: praise, encouragement, hugs, thank yous, etc.


Ignoring Misbehavior

Many of the inappropriate behaviors of young children can simply be ignored or disregarded.

The Prophet Muhammad SAW is our best example in this regard.

Anas bin Malik RA said:

"The Messenger of Allah SAW, had the best disposition among people. One day he sent me on an errand and I said, 'By Allah, I will not go,' but it was in my mind that I would do as the Messenger of Allah had ordered me. I went until I came upon children playing in the street. Then the Messenger of Allah SAW arrived and he caught me by the back of my neck from behind. As I looked at him, I found him (SAW) smiling, and he (SAW) said, 'Unays (Anas' bin Malik's nickname), did you go where I asked you to go?' I said, 'O Messenger of Allah, yes, I am going.' "

Anas RA said further:

"I served him (SAW) for nine years, but I do not know that he ever said to me about anything I did, why I did that, or about anything I had neglected, why I had not done that." (Muslim)

We may want to compare this to how we react to or interact with our own children. For young children, in particular, it is really counterproductive to berate, question, and reprimand when they really have little understanding as to why they acted in a certain way. Simply ignoring the behavior may be the most appropriate response. Another related technique is to redirect the child to something else in the environment to draw attention away from the undesirable.

It is important to realise that within these general guidelines there are about as many ways to parent as there are parents. Parents need to take into consideration the unique personalities, dispositions, and gifts of each child when deciding upon a particular approach. What may work with one child may not necessarily be effective with another.

It is also imperative to remember that our children are one of the greatest tests that we have from Allah SWT, and we need to continually ask from Allah SWT for assistance and guidance for ourselves and our children. This is the most effective and powerful tool for Tarbiyah.

Allah SWT says in the Qur'an:

"When My servants ask you (Muhammad) concerning Me, I am indeed near. I respond to the prayer of every supplicant when he calls on Me. Let them also, with a will, listen to My call and believe in Me, that they may walk in the right way." (Surah Al-Baqarah: Ayat 186)

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UNDESIRABLE NAMES SHOULD BE CHANGED

Aishah RA reports that Rasulullah SAW used to change the unpleasant names of people and replaced them with good names.

Abdullah bin Umar RA relates that one of his sisters was named Aasiyah (disobedient). Rasullah SAW changed it to Jameelah (beautiful).

Zainab RA says that I had been named Birrah (pious). Rasulullah SAW then said: "Do not claim piety, for Allah knows best who amongst you are pious. Name her Zainab!"


NAMES MAY INFLUENCE THE LIVES OF PEOPLE

Sa'eed ibn Musayib RA relates from his father that his grandfather went to Rasulullah SAW and was asked: "What is your name?" He replied: "Hazn" (sorrow). Rasulullah SAW said: "You are Sahl." (contended). He replied: "I will not change the name my father had given me." The narrator says that thereafter sorrow continually remained with them.


KEEP AWAY FROM NAMES IMPLYING SHIRK

As Muslims, we should always abstain from keeping names implying any elements of Shirk, like adjoining the word 'Abd' (servant) to names or epithets other that those of Allah Ta'ala.

Rasulullah SAW also forbade keeping pompous and self-glorifying names, for this reveals arrogance and haughtiness - human elements most abhorred by Allah Ta'ala.


PROTECT THE DIGNITY OF YOUR IDENTITY AND FAITH

Muslims should always have dignity and protect their identity and faith. Nowadays, to conceal his/her identity, it is common practice for a person to "westernise" his name, like substituting Yusuf with Joe or Joseph, Uzair with Ozzie, Ridhuan with Ricky and even Muhammad with Mo.

Efforts to distort such beautiful names merely reveal an un-Islamic and sacreligious attitude. Remember, there exists behind each Islamic name an Islamic spirit and meaning, which, when distorted, is ruined. For example, there is intended love for the Prophet of Islam, and barakah when naming a child Muhammad. But when Muhammad is called Mo, this spirit of love for Rasulullah SAW and the acquiring of barakah by such a name is shattered. Should we not then refrain from such sacreligious practices?

May Allah Ta'ala guide us so that we may realise the beauty and uniqueness of the religion of Islam propounded by no other than the one who is the best of Allah's creations - Rasulullah SAW.

Ameen.

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NAMING THE CHILD

It is the infant's vested right to be honoured with a good name. When choosing a name for the child, it should be done with the intention that the child will be blessed with the barakah of that name. Here are some Ahadith to show the importance of selecting a good and correct name:

Abdullah ibn Umar RA relates Rasulullah SAW as saying:

"Truly, the most loved of your names by Allah are Abdullah and Abdur-Rahmaan."

It is also reported in the Hadith collection of Abu Dawud that Rasulullah SAW said:

"Keep the names of prophets. And the most desirable names by Allah Ta'ala are Abdullah and Abdur-Rahmaan. And names that depict honesty are Haarith (planter) and Hammaam (thoughtful). And the most disliked ones are Harb (battle) and Murrah (bitter)."


THE BARAKAH OF NAMING A CHILD AFTER RASULULLAH SAW

Rasulullah SAW said:

"Whoever is named after me with the hope of being blessed, he will be blessed and will be in peace till the Day of Qiyaamat."

Rasulullah SAW is also reported to have said:

"To whomever is born a boy and he names him Muhammad solely for the love of me and for the blessings of my name, then both he (the father) and his son will enter Jannah."


THE IMPORTANCE OF KEEPING GOOD NAMES

It has been narrated that Rasulullah SAW said:

"On the Day of Qiyaamah you will be called by your (own) names and the names of your fathers. Therefore keep good names." (RIwayat Abu Dawud)

Rasulullah SAW also advised the Ummah:

"To whoever is born a child, the child should be given a good name and sound education. And when he becomes of age he should be married."

It was the practice of Rasulullah SAW to enquire the names of persons and villages. If they were pleasant, it became apparent on his face. If not, his displeasure could be seen.

Once Rasulullah SAW called for a volunteer to milk a she-camel. Four persons volunteered: he refused to accept the services of the first three because their names did not imply pleasantness. The names of the first two were Murrah (bitter) while Jamrah (burning coal) was the name of the third person. When the fourth said his name is Yaeesh (long live), Rasulullah SAW said to him - "Milk her".

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WHEN THE CHILD BEGINS TO TALK

The child should first be taught to say the Kalimah Shahadah when he /she begins to talk.

"Laa Ilaaha Illallah Muhammmadar Rasulullah."


EDUCATION AND GOOD MANNERS

Islam lays considerable emphasis on education and good character. It is the children's rightful claim to be given sound Islaamic education and taught good manners. This will not only afford the children happiness in both the worlds, but they will prove great assets to both, their families and society as well. This is why Rasoolullah sallallaahu-alayhi-wasallam declared good manners as the 'best thing' a father can impart to his children. He also declared the mother as the 'shepherdess' of the household which implies that she is responsible for the correct upbringing of her children.


WHAT PARENTS OWE THEIR CHILDREN

Education and Good Manners
Islam lays great emphasis on education and good character. It is the children's rightful claim to be given sound Islamic education and taught good manners. This will not only afford the children happiness in both - the world and the Hereafter, but they will prove great assets to both - their families and society as well. This is why Rasulullah SAW declared good manners as the best thing a father can impart to his children. He also declared the mother as the shepherdess of the household which implies that she is responsible for the correct upbringing of her children. Let it be known that this cannot be achieved if the mother is occupied with so-called professional obligations. To sacrifice the nurturing of good children at the expense of a "career" is lowly.

Self-Esteem
Parents owe their children personal worth and self-esteem which are the cornerstones for sound mental health. A child who is constantly criticised, looked down at, reproached, made to feel stupid and inept, continually compared with their brothers and sisters or cousins who do better; will become so unsure and so terrified that he or she will lose enthusiasm for learning and becoming successful.

Praising The Child and Expressing Love
A child needs to be praised every now and again for his achievements and good behaviour. Some parents find it difficult to voice their approval or praise the child. However, there are other modes of expressing approval as well, such as - a smile, a caress or a kiss will convey approval. All these acts of love are very essential for producing children who are healthy in mind and body. It is for this reason that our Shari'ah lays considerable stress on showing love and affection to children. Rasulullah SAW said that one who does not have mercy on our children and does not respect our elders, is not from among us.

Equality
Parents should always treat their children equitably. Children tend to grow miserable, lose confidence, become discouraged and resentful if parents show favouritism towards a particular child. It is related by Aishah RA - that once she offered a date to a lady beggar who was accompanied by her two daughters. The lady shared the date between her two daughters, depriving herself of a share. Then she departed. When Rasulullah SAW came home, she related to him the incident. The Prophet SAW said: "Whoever is involved (dealing in issues) with any daughters, and he treats them well (equitably), this will serve as a protection for him/her from the Fire."

Basic Islamic Education
It is the duty of every parent to ensure that his/her children have basic Islamic education which covers Aqaa'id or Islamic beliefs, the five principles of Islam, the rulings and Masaa'il pertaining to these five principles and the correct recital of the Holy Qur'an.

Standards and Values
Decent standards and solid values should also be taught to the child. This means being respectful to parents, elders, the Ulama, teachers and just laws.

Cleanliness and Other Necessary Precautions
The Shari'ah has termed cleanliness as half of Imaan. As such the mother should personally accomplish all maternal devotions such as feeding, bathing and keeping the child clean and in hygiene. Soiled clothes must be cleaned without delay so that there is no potential of disease and sickness spreading. In the availables of modern medical care, the child should also be immunised against infantile diseases. Never should any Muslim be tricked by the Shaytaan to think that getting an immunisation jab for the child means lack of faith and reliance in Allah. This is a deception which must be thrown away.

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TAHNEEK

Tahneek means the placing of a piece of date, softened by chewing, on the palate of the new-born. The practice of tahneek is Masnun (a confirmed Sunnah) since Rasulullah SAW made the tahneek of Abdullah bin Zubair RA and Abdullah bin Talhah RA. Unfortunately this practice of tahneek is rarely acted upon in modern times. The reward of reviving a "dying" sunnah of Rasulullah SAW is boundless. Here again, this should be the prerogative of a learned Aalim or a pious elder of the family. Otherwise any Muslim male would suffice. If dates are not available, honey should serve as an ideal substitute.

THE AFTERBIRTH AND NAVAL-CORD

The afterbirth and naval-cord should be buried with due care since they are considered parts of the human body. As such, it should be treated with respect and honour. Disposing it in the drain or garbage is contrary to this honour. It is for this reason, too, that the dead body of a human being may not be cremated or abandoned in a pit for vultures and other animals to devour it, as is customary among the people of other religions.

FEEDING

As the infant is the offspring of its mother, it is common sense that the mother's milk is the most suitable source of nourishment for the baby. Therefore, the mother should most obligingly fulfil her duty of breastfeeding the child. By so doing - bonds of love, affection and intimacy are strengthened between mother and child, and in the process, good habits and character are transmitted to the child. All these and countless other benefits are contained in breastfeeding. Artificial methods of feeding are all devoid of these benefits. Other methods of feeding of course may be resorted to if ill health or other circumstances do not permit the mother to breastfeed her child. The mother must ensure that no Haraam food is consumed by the child; and the recitation of "Bismillah" should always be recited before feeding.

MAXIMUM PERIOD FOR BREASTFEEDING

The maximum period for which a child could be breastfed is two years, for this is the right of the child. The child should be weaned by two years and common food should be fed to the child.

THE CHILD'S ATTIRE

Muslim males may not adorn themselves with clothes of silk or any red and bright orange (saffron) colour. Neither gold nor silver ornaments (except for a silver ring of defined specifications). Adorning is only characteristic of women.

Parents should also ensure that children dress in an honourable and modest manner - never immitating the ostentatious styles that may be in vogue. Due to the incorrect concept of 'freedom" and "broadmindedness", parents allow their children to dress and act in a manner they wish. This eventually results in problematic, rebellious and disobedient children who in adolescent stages cause parents and society untold heartbreak and much anxiety.

HAIR, AQIQAH AND NAMING THE CHILD

It is recommended Sunnah to remove the baby's hair and to observe the Aqiqah and to name the child on the seventh day after birth. Gold or silver equivalent to the weight of the removed hair may be given as charity to the poor. Otherwise its equivalent value in money. The hair, being a portion of the human body should be buried with due respect. Aqeeqah is a form of sadaqah whereby the child is safeguarded against misfortunes. Two sheep or two goats are offered for a boy while one goat or sheep suffices for a girl. If the seventh day coincides with the days of Qurban (the Eid of sacridfice) then portions of a cow, ox or camel may be offered as qurbaani and portions for Aqiqah.

CIRCUMCISION

Circumcision must be performed on the children, both male and female. For males it consists of removing the prepuce from the penis, and for females, it involves removing the prepuce (bazr) of the clitoris (not the clitoris itself, as some mistakenly assert). It is best that circumcision is done at a very young age - e.g. on the seventh day after birth, as that is when it is easiest to perform; and at most before puberty - the age of which non-performance of Solat becomes sinful.

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WHEN A CHILD IS BORN

It is indeed a joyous occasion when parents are blessed with a child. And the extent of the joy could be enhanced even further if the laws of Shari'ah are adhered to and all other meaningless rituals are cast aside. Welcoming the child into his/her worldly life has already been taught - clearly by Rasulullah SAW. For immense spiritual benefit, we follow what has been prescribed, and leave anything contrevening from culture.

After birth the child should be given proper ghusl (bath). Thereafter the message of the Greatness and Oneness of Allah Ta'ala, and the prophethood of Rasulullah SAW should be the first words to reach the child's innocent ears. This should be accomplished by giving Azaan near his right ear and Iqamah close to his left. This noble task should be the prerogative of an Aalim or a pious elder of the family. If such a person is not at hand then any Muslim male may perform this Sunnah.


DU'AS ON THIS BLESSED OCCASSION

It is recommended Sunnah to recite the following du'a after the Azaan and Iqamah:

Allaahumma innee a'uudhuhaa bika wa dhurriyyatihaa min ash-shaytaani ar-rajeem.

O Allah, I seek your protection for her and her descendants from the cursed Shaytaan.

Note: For boys read "A'oodhuhu" and "wa dhurriyatuhu'.

After that, proceed with Surah Al-Ikhlas - "Qul Huwallaahu Ahad etc."

Then proceed:

Allahumma ij'alhu barran taqiyyan. Wa anbit-hu fil Islaam nabaatan hasanaa.

For girls read:

Allahumma ij'alhaa barran taqiyyan. Wa anbit-haa fil Islaam nabaatan hasanaa.

O Allah, make him/her pious and Godfearing and let him/her grow up in Islam to his/her excellent growth.

Then continue:

Allaahumma allimhul kitaaba wal hikma wafiqqih-hu fi ddeen.

For girls read:

Allaahumma allimhal kitaaba wal hikma wafiqqih-ha fi ddeen.

O Allah, teach him/her the Qur'an and wisdom and give him/her the understanding in Deen.

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Allah SWT says in the Qur'an:

"Verily the religion with Allah (true, genuine and acceptable by Allah) is Islam..." (Surah Al-Imraan)

In other words, Allah has referred to Islam as the only religion acceptable by Him. This means that for anyone to attain pure success, Islam must be followed; and any other way will lead to doom and failure.

And at another place in the Qur'an, Allah SWT announces:

"Today have I perfected for you your religion and have completed my favours upon you, and have chosen for you Islam as your religion..." (Surah Al-Maa'idah)

In the above mentioned Ayat, Allah SWT refers to Islam as a perfect and complete religion which Allah SWT has chosen for us. That is to say, a religion which is complete in all aspects of life.

Since Islam is as mentioned by Allah Ta'ala, it is the bounded duty of every Muslim to ensure the upbringing of his children in the perfect and uncompromising fashion of Islam. How can we even have flavour and appetite for Western ideals when even those of the West today has become disillusioned and disenchanted by their own mess.

So hence, the choice is entirely ours - either we rear children who will be a credit to their Deen, comfort to their families and a boon to society: or by slavishly adhering to the rubbish passed of as "modern" and "fashionable", we will reap untold heartbreak when these children, after reaching adolescence, prove rebellious and disobedient to both, their families and society at large.

If we are desirous of children imbued with true Islamic spirit, then we must mould our lives strictly in accordance with the teachings of our beloved Rasulullah SAW so that from the very beginning of conception, our children will be blessed with the Nur and true spirit of Islam.


AN ADVICE TO THE THE EXPECTANT MOTHER

It is irrefutable that the mother's proper nourishment has a telling effect on the health of the yet-to-be-born child. In the like manner the spiritual nourishment of the mother is no less important. If the mother is desirous of an obedient, pious and spiritually healthy child - and which Muslim parent isn't??? - she has no choice but to think and act in a manner which will manifest the luminous spirit of Islaam. She will have to spend, much time offering her devotions to Allah by performing Solat, making Zikr, reciting the Holy Qur'an and fill her time with Ibadah.

This will have a two-fold result:

(i) The mother will remain spiritually and mentally healthy; and at the same time -
(ii) The child will be inheriting piety, good manners and many other angelic qualities;

Insha-Allah.

It is no wonder then that these angelic qualities are often manifested in the infancy of many great personalities. It is said of many pious people of the past - that they were born with certain portions of the Holy Qur'an already imprinted in their memory. Others even refused to drink the milk of their mother during the holy month of Ramadhan.

Below infact is an authentic incident mentioned in the collections of Bukhari and Muslim to substantiate that the acts of virtue of parents certainly have positive effects on their progenies for generations to come:

Abu Talhah RA, a companion of Rasulullah SAW, had a son who had fallen gravely ill. During that period the father had to leave home for a number of days on an important errand, leaving the child to the care of the mother. Whilst away, the sickness caused the death of the child. The mother beseeched the people not to inform her husband even when he returned. When he returned his very first enquiry was about his son. She answered that he (their son) is presently in a more comfortable state than that which he had been in (meaning that death had rendered him peace and comfort). By this answer the husband understood that he had recuperated. She then offered him his supper which he ate with relish. The good wife then even adorned herself as best she could which filled him with passionate feelings. When she saw that her husbands needs had been tended to, then only did she disclose to him the death of their son.

This stark news proved a severe blow to him. He was annoyed and overcome with intense grief, that she had not disclosed to him the child's fate earlierl. At daybreak he approached Rasulullah SAW and related to him what had transpired during the night. Rasulullah SAW intently asked him whether they had copulated. When he answered in the affirmative, he blessed them by saying: "O Allah, grant them blessings for what had transpired during the night."

Many months later, a male issue was born of them whose Tahneek (the act of placing sweet substances e.g. dates into the mouth of a newborn baby) was done by Rasulullah SAW. He (SAW) named him - "Abdullah".

When Abdullah RA grew up and married, Allah Ta'ala blessed him with nine children, all of whom became Huffaz (memorisers) of the Holy Qur'an and learned Ulama of their time. This overwhelming attainment can only be attributed to the acts of virtue of the grandmother of these Ulama. It becomes apparent from the above incident that acts of virtue of parents not only have a telling effect on their children but also on their progenies for generations to come.

Practical Tips For Parenting Young Children

Parents of young children of pre-school age should have only few expectations in terms of behavior and acquisition of knowledge due to the cognitive limitations at this age.

This does not mean that children should just be allowed to run about and do as they please; they still require guidelines and boundaries. To further explain - care should be taken regarding the methods that are used to raise children and the values that are instilled from the very beginning.

It is interesting to note that the Arabic term tarbiyah, which is often used to mean teaching or training, generally refers to growth, increase, nourishment, and cultivation. This relates to the physical, intellectual, emotional, psychological, and spiritual aspects of an individual. When thinking of growth and cultivation, this implies that something has already been planned or is already present (natural fitrah).

Tarbiyah then refers to the various methods that are used to watch over and attend to a child until he or she becomes prepared to take responsibility and behave in complete submission to and worship of Allah SWT.

The following suggestions are techniques that may be used for tarbiyah for early childhood.


PLAY, PLAY, PLAY

Play should be the primary emphasis during this time in a child's life since this is the means through which they gain an understanding of the world around them. Pretend or imaginative play is the most common type of play during this stage and this directly impacts cognitive, social, and psychological development.

Children will often mimic or imitate the behavior of adults or other children around them in their play, which is their way of preparing for their particular roles in life. Girls will most often imitate their mother, and boys will follow in the footsteps of their father. You will see girls playing with dolls, dressing and feeding them and boys in more rough-and-tumble physical types of play. These gender roles develop at an early age and are a natural part of Allah's plan for the dilterentiation of responsibilities for men and women. These and other types of play should be encouraged and fostered in young children.


PREVENTION

The saying "Prevention is the best medicine" is true not only in the medical field, but also within psychology. There are many steps that parents can take to prevent misbehavior and avoid the disruption that can be caused within the family.

First of all, children need predictability, structure, and guidelines because this gives them a sense of security and a feeling that there is order in the world. When this is present they are less likely to feel anxious or stressed which, in turn, will decrease the likelihood of inappropriate behavior. Children will sometimes act chaotic if they are in a chaotic environment.

Secondly, probably the most common reason for misbehavior is to gain attention from a parent or other adults. A defining feature of being human is the need for social contact, approval, and attcntion that is already present at birth. When parents fulfil this need adequately, a child will feel content and be more likely to engage in solitary play. If a child is not able to obtain attention through positive behavior, a young girl may lie or she may utilise negative behavior for this purpose. Parents can fulfill this need by spending quality time with their child e.g. talking, playing, reading, enjoying nature, and much more. Quality is often more important than quantity.


REWARDING POSITIVE BEHAVIOUR

The concept of rewards and punishments is an integral part of Islamic Aqidah as there are natural consequences for each or our actions. This same wisdom can be applied to the area of parenting.

The Messenger of Allah SAW said that Allah SWT says:

"Allah has written down the good deeds and the bad ones. Then He explained it (by saying that) he who has intended a good deed and has not done it, Allah writes it down with Himself as a full good deed; but if he has intended it and has done it, Allah writes it down with Himself as from ten good deeds to seven hundred times, or many times over. But if he has intended a bad deed and has not done it, Allah writes it down with Himself as a full good deed, but if he has intended it and has done it, Allah writes it down as one bad deed." (Bukhari and Muslim)

Allah's mercy can be seen in the above Hadith Qudsi and this should be reflected in a parent's tarbiyah as well. Rewards are effective in not only increasing the occurrence of positive behaviour, but also in decreasing negative behaviour and increasing a child's self-esteem. The most eflective rewards for children are those that are the easiest to give: praise, encouragement, hugs, thanks, appreciation and more.


IGNORING MISBEHAVIOUR

Many of the inappropriate behaviors of young children can simply be ignored or disregarded. The Prophet SAW, is our best example in this regard.

Anas bin Malik RA said:

"The Messenger of Allah (SAW) had the best disposition among people. One day he sent me on an errand and I said, 'By Allah, I will not go,' but it was in my mind that I would do as the Messenger of Allah had ordered me. I went until I came upon children playing in the street. Then the Messenger of Allah (SAW) arrived and he caught me by the back of my neck from behind. As I looked at him, I found him smiling, and he said, `Unays (nickname of Anas), did you go where I asked you to go'?' I said, `O Messenger of Allah, yes, I am going."'

Anas RA said further:

"I served him for nine years, but I do not know that he ever said to me about anything I did, why I did that, or about anything I had neglected, why I had not done that." (Muslim)

We may want to compare this to how we react to or interact with our own children. For young children, in particular, it is really counterproductive to berate, question, and reprimand when they really have little understanding as to why they acted in a certain way. Simply ignoring the behaviour may be the most appropriate response.

Another related technique is to redirect the child to something else in the environment to draw attention away from the undesirable.

It is important to realise that within these general guidelines there are about as many ways to parent as there are parents. Parents need to take into consideration the unique personalities, dispositions, and gifts of each child when deciding upon a particular approach. What may work with one child may not necessarily be effective with another. It is also imperative to remember that our children are one of the greatest tests that we have from Allah SWT, and we need to continually ask Him for assistance and guidance for ourselves and our children. This is the most effective and powerful tool for tarbiyah.

"When My servants ask you (Muhammad) concerning Me, I am indeed near. I respond to the prayer of every suppliant when he calls on Me. Let them also, with a will, listen to My call and believe in Me, that they may walk in the right way." (Surah Al-Baqarah: Ayat 186)

General Manners To Teach Young Children

1. Teach children to use the right hand for eating, drinking, giving and taking. To eat and drink while sitting, and to stay, 'Bismillah' before eating and, 'Alhamdulillah' after finishing.

2. Teach children hygienic etiquette, to clip fingernails and toe nails, and to wash hands before and after eating.

3. Teach them how to clean themselves after using the toilet and how to keep urine off their clothes.

4. Correct their mistakes kindly and privately without scolding them.

5. Instruct them to listen to the Adhaan quietely and repeat the words of Adhaan after the Muadhin, then to tell them to ask Allah to exalt the mention of the Prophet SAW and supplicate the following, "O Allah, the Rabb (Lord) of this complete invitation, and the ready prayer, grant Muhammad the means and the virtue, and raise him to a praised rank which You have promised him." - (This is the common du'a after the adhaan.

6. Assign each of them a separate bed, if possible, otherwise a separate cover. It is most preferable to have a room for girls and another for boys.

7. Instruct them to remove harmful objects off the road and not to throw litter on it.

8. Warn against bad company and against loitering.

9. Greet children with Assalaamu'alaikum at home, in school, and in public.

10. Instruct children to be kind to neighbours and to be helpful to them, and avoid bothering or disturbing them.

11. Instruct them to be courteous to guests and to treat them with generosity.

The Ruling On Music & Singing

12. It is the duty of the educators to warn children against listening to music and singing.

Allah states:

"And of men who take idle talk to lead men away from the path of Allah without knowledge, and make fun of it. For such there will be humiliating punishment." (Surah 31: Ayat 6)

Most scholars are agreed that idle talk is nothing but singing. Abdullah ibn Mas'ud RA said the same.

The Prophet SAW said:

"There will be from my Ummah those who will deem as lawful; fonircation, silk (for Muslim males), liquor and music."

The great scholar Mujahid RA and others said, "The sound of Syaitan is music and singing."

The best way to combat the habit of listening to music is reading the Qur'an and the rememberance of Allah, and reading the Seerah of the biography of the Prophet SAW.

Children Must Also Be Taught Of The Importance Of Obeying Their to Parents

TELL THEM - as they grow and get older...

If you want to attain success in both worlds, then you should apply the following advice:

1. Speak politely to your parents and humble yourself before them and be kind to them, and never scold them nor express a word of disgust to them.

2. Obey your parents as long as no disobedience to Allah is involved.

3. Never frown at them, nor give them an angry look.

4. Honour them and guard their reputation and their property. Never take anything from them without permission.

5. Do what pleases them, and help them out even without their asking for your help.

6. Consult them in your own affairs, and apologise to them if you fail to do so.

7. Respond to them quickly and with a smile and when they call you.

8. Treat with courtesy your parents' friends and relatives during their life and life after their death.

9. Never argue with them, nor blame them and if they err, show them politely their error.

10. Never speak to them with loud voice, and listen politely to them.

11. Help around the house, and offer help to your father at his work.

12. Do not travel without their permission, and if you do, keep in touch with them.

13. Never enter their bedroom before knocking and receiving permission to enter.

14. Never offend them by any bad habit that you may have.

15. Never start eating before they do.

16. Never give your wife or children priority over them. Seek their pleasure, for doing so secures the pleasure of Allah.

17. Do not sit on a place higher than theirs.

18. If you maintain them, never be niggardly towards them. The way you treat them, your children will treat you.

19. The most deserving of your kindness is your mother, then your father, and know that Jannah lies under the feet of mothers.

20. Never be disobedient to your parents, for this is the case of misery in both worlds.

21. Ask your parents to supplicate in your favour, because Allah responds to their Du'a for you or against you.

22. Supplicate frequently for them, and ask Allah's forgiveness for them.

23. Never cause anyone to curse them.

The Prophet SAW explained this by saying:

"When a man curses another, the other would curse the man's father. So beware of this horrible sin."

24. Remember whatever good deeds you do or accomplish, your parents will benefit from it after their death.

And remember too that the Prophet SAW said:

"You and your property belong to your father."

When Women Emerge

No Muslim has the slightest iota of doubt in the fact that the Qur'an is absolutely infallible. How could it be otherwise when the Qur'an is the word of Allah Ta'ala who is All Knowing, All Seeing and the possessor of absolute and perfect wisdom. Every command of Allah Ta'ala is compatible with human nature and its adherence not only earns a person rewards in the hereafter, but is also vital to facilitate the smooth harmony of our existence on earth. No system or mode of life can ever be superior.

Allah Ta'ala, the Creator of men and women, the Eternal Being that blessed mankind with intellect and the One who created in human beings passions, emotions and desires, addresses His female slaves in His Glorious Qur'an with the following command:

"And remain firmly within your homes and display not yourselves like the display of the former times of ignorance."(Surah Al-Ahzaab; Verse 33)

This is the command of none other than our Creator, Allah the Most Wise. Hence by disregarding this command we will not only invite Allah's displeasure, but we will also have to suffer the terrible consequences of our violation in this world. It will be similar to the case where a person ignores the instructions of the manufacturer of a car and he fills water into the petrol tank and fills petrol into the radiator.


Absolute Necessity

Likewise Rasulullah SAW has restricted the emergence of women from the home to the situation of genuine necessity.

Abdullah ibn Umar RA reports that Rasulullah SAW said:

"A woman should not emerge from her home except if she is forced to do so." (Tabrani)

Also when emerging out of necessity, the woman is commanded to adopt full Hijaab. However in the present climate of women's lib and feminism which has risen from the decadent west, even Muslims of weak Imaan have found it appropriate to cast women out of their homes and into the outside world. Yet do we really know what goes on out there? The situation is indeed shocking to say the least.


Distribution of Work

Allah Ta'ala has given us the beautiful formula compatible with the differing natures of the genders. This is illustrated in the following practice of Rasulullah SAW. Rasulullah SAW had apportioned the work that pertains to matters outside the home (which includes earning for the family) to Saiyidina Ali RA. While the work pertaining to aspects inside the home were allotted to the Queen of Jannah, Fatimah RA.

Hence it is the man's duty to go out into the world and earn a Halaal living. Thus in a truly Islamic state where women are not found working "shoulder-to-shoulder" with men, the root cause of the illicit liaisons which take place in the working world will be non-existent.

However, when that ideal situation does not exist, the man who goes out to work must be extra cautious to protect himself.

Allah Ta'ala says:

"Say to the Believing men that they should lower their gazes." (Surah An-Nur: Verse 30)

Also the Hadith clearly states that:

"...no person should ever be in seclusion with a strange woman."

When these and other similar injunctions will be violated then, the obvious outcome will be involvement in grievous sins. The solution is thus to eliminate the cause, not to light the fire and then attempt to control it.

Indeed, we are living in difficult times. While numerous women venture out into the world merely to maintain a high standard of living, some venture out only to earn their mere daily bread. Hence if it is necessary, Islam has not forbidden a woman from earning. However, it is incumbent that All the laws of the Shari'ah be upheld. Among other aspects, of utmost importance is that she may not expose herself to non-Mahram males (men to whom marriage is permissible). She should also have sufficient time for her domestic activities and for the caring of her children. These must never be compromised.


Inclucating Deen

A woman has a great duty to discharge at home. The upbringing of her children require her full attention. Unfortunately, "upbringing" to a great extent has come to mean clothing, feeding and attending to the other physical necessities of the child. This is however, the necessary but less important part of upbringing. The more important part is the inculcating of Deen in the life of the child and embedding the correct morals, character and etiquette in that innocent soul. This is more than a full-time job. When mothers fulfilled this duty (obviously with the father also playing his role), many great scholars of Islam were produced e.g. Imam Razi RA, Imam Ghazali RA etc. The same is possible today - if we get our priorities in order. The job of tarbiyah to our children is not the responsibility what more job of a random maid or helper. To sacrifice the quality of upbringing only for a few cents extra, for a bigger house and a nicer car is not something intelligent to do. When Allah SWT has given us intelligence, we should use this intelligence. Do what we are commanded to do. And do what is the best.

May Allah Ta'ala give us the correct understanding of Deen and enable us to practice upon ALL His injunctions, Ameen.

Giving The Daughter Secular Education ?

Almighty Allah says in the Holy Qur'an:

"And (women) stay in your homes and don't display yourselves like the practice of the first Jahiliyah (pre-Islamic era." (Surah 33: Verse 33)

Rasulullah SAW said:

"A woman is an object of concealment. When she comes out; the Syaitaan accompanies her."(Mishkaat)

The above quotations clearly indicate that the place of a woman is at home. When she emerges out of the house, she becomes the tool of the Syaitaan to spread mischief and corruption. In these modern times, there is a worldwide campaign on recognition of women's rights, according to the democratic ideology which includes equality between men and women in earning, rank and position. Such a position for women in society breathes corruption and mischief. And the ghastly consequences such a position has already caused are clear as day-light for all those of true intelligence.

The harms of giving ones daughter secular education is great. It is not permissible to risk the honour of the daughter at the expense of securing her economic future. Looking at the dangers and harms in conventional schools, even the greatest worldly need cannot justify the reason for sending the daughter to a non-Islamic school.

The sustenance of every individual is the responsibility of Allah.

Allah says in the Qur'an:

"There is not a single creature on earth except that Allah Ta'ala has taken the responsibility of its sustenance." (Surah 11: Verse 6)

The Fuqahaa have explained that firstly the father has to support his daughter until marriage. Upon marriage, the husband has to support her. If the husband dies or divorces her, and she has elderly working sons, it is their responsibility to support her. If she does not have sons, then the father will have to support her again. If he is not in a position to support her then, her brothers and relatives should support her.

Islam has laid down principles to support a woman in every turn of her life. If any of the above does not materialise, she can even support herself by maintaining her honour and dignity by doing something from indoors.

She may do cooking, sewing, baking, etc. and sell. There are many avenues of income. The secular form of education is not the only way of earning an income. How many secular graduates are penniless due to unemployment and how many secularly uneducated women have regular income through private services?

Our concern should be to give our daughter good Islamic education, teach her to be a loyal wife and responsible mother. Teach her the life of simplicity and she may be taught of some skills like sewing, etc. could help her during a financial crisis.

Hit When Not Angry

When children are naughty and the only solution to reform them is hitting them, parents should not hit them in the state of anger.

The reason is because, the intention of hitting them may be abused to vent and cool off their anger, which is detrimental to the psychology and physical of the child. Such an intention will defeat the purpose of hitting, i.e. for the child to be reformed.

It is suggested that parents in the state of anger exercise the following, in order:

1. Tolerance by containing their anger until it subsides
2. Thereafter, create an impression of anger and hit the child.

Hitting the child with the proper intention will realise the desired effect. InshaAllah.

Child Adoption In Islam

Child adoption in Islam is permissible.

The circumstances of each case may differ from the other. In any circumstances, the important aspect is the consent of both parties, adoptive parents and guardian of the child i.e. for example,
biological parents.

Widow With Children Marry New Husband

If a Muslim widow with children takes on a husband, what is her responsibility on them?

We have the evidence of example from the grand teacher himself - Rasulullah SAW.

Rasulullah SAW married Umm Salmah RA who was a widow, and she had a child from her previous marriage. Rasulullah SAW showed care and love to the child. He also taught the child good manners.